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The woman expresses her opinion about the proposal in the letter. Briefly summarize the proposal. Then state her opinion and explain the reasons she gives for holding that opinion. v.1

The woman expresses her opinion about the proposal in the letter. Briefly summarize the proposal. Then state her opinion and explain the reasons she gives for holding that opinion. v. 1
While some people believe that the law of complete ban on smoking at the public places is justified, others argue that it is not. This essay totally agrees with the statement that, this law is justified as it saves other visitors of public places from passive smoking and also forces smokers to quit smoking for at least that period of time. Firstly, These people are not only causing harm to their own lungs, but are also harming others by passive smoking. In other words, it is scientifically proven that, when a person stays in an area, where smoking is done, this smoke penetrates into the lungs of surrounding people via inhalation and unknowingly they are also affected by the detrimental effects of smoking. For example, a study conducted at the Stanford university found that, the lungs of the friends of the chain smokers were 10 percent more damaged than that of the actual smokers. As a result, the council has taken this decision, so that this will keep safe people who are not actually smoking. Secondly, it helps smokers to quit smoking. That is to say, these people generally have misconception that, they cannot survive without smoking at the regular intervals, but when they visit these public facilities where they are not allowed to smoke, they any how try to resist their urge to do it and this gives them the perspective that, they can live without it. To exemplify, one of my paternal uncles was addicted to the cigarettes and when he went to the pilgrimage, there he was not allowed to smoke for 40 days, today, he left it and he is delighted that he has made it. As a consequence, this law acts as the ray of hope and motivates them that, they can be free from addiction. To conclude, the implementation of the ban on smoking at public facilities is a step in the right direction, as it will not only safeguard lungs of the surrounding audience, but it will also encourage the smokers to quit such a bad habit.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the law of complete ban on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
places
is justified
, others argue that it is not. This essay
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with the statement that, this law
is justified
as it saves
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
visitors of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
places from passive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
and
also
forces smokers to quit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
for at least that period of time.

Firstly
, These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
causing harm to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
lungs,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
are
also
harming others by passive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, it is
scientifically
proven that, when a person stays in an area, where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
is done
, this smoke penetrates into the lungs of surrounding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
via inhalation and
unknowingly
they are
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by the detrimental effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
.
For example
, a study conducted at the
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Stanford university
found that, the lungs of the friends of the chain smokers were 10 percent more damaged than that of the actual smokers.
As a result
, the council has taken this decision,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
safe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are not actually smoking.

Secondly
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
smokers to quit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
.
That is
to say, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
generally
have misconception that, they cannot survive without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
at the regular intervals,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
when they visit these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
facilities where they are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to smoke, they any how try to resist their urge to do it and this gives them the perspective that, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
without it. To exemplify, one of my paternal uncles
was addicted
to the cigarettes and when he went to the pilgrimage, there he was not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to smoke for 40 days,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
it and
he
is delighted
that he has made it. As a consequence, this law acts as the ray of hope and motivates them that, they can be free from addiction.

To conclude
, the implementation of the ban on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
facilities is a step in the right direction, as it will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
safeguard lungs of the surrounding audience,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it will
also
encourage the smokers to quit such a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habit.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay The woman expresses her opinion about the proposal in the letter. Briefly summarize the proposal. Then state her opinion and explain the reasons she gives for holding that opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
344 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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