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The diagram below shows how salt is removed from sea water to make it drinkable. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. v.1

The diagram below shows how salt is removed from sea water to make it drinkable.
It is a fact that watching movies and TV series have become one of daily life activities; moreover, it also influences human beings dramatically. While some people support that it causes harmful impactions on us, others agree that it keeps us well informed and provides useful messages for us. The essay will discuss about both positive influences on our human beings and drawbacks of  movies and TV series. To begin with, movies and TV programs bring tremendous positive influences on human beings daily activities and societies due to the advent of TV and other digital devices. Firstly, watching TV programs and movies will keep audiences well informed and up-to-date what is going on in the world. Furthermore, certain kinds of movies and TV programs, such as document and historical ones, will  broad audiences' knowledge horizontally. Many education channels worldwide will provide excellent contents for children or self-learners.   Last but not the least, movies or TV programs also help to educate students because they provide vivid visual experiences which books cannot provide. Without movies and TV programs, our daily life will become boring and we will live in  the world like the one in the ancient. Although it is obvious that the majority of movies and TV programs tend to provide precise massages and vivid entertainments to audiences, certain kinds of movies and TV programs might bring negative impacts on audiences. For exam, children exposed to movies with violent contents tend to learn from the characters in movies and act violently or learn bad habits such as doing drugs, or involving in high-risk sexual behaviours. Moreover, sometimes news channels will lead ordinary citizens to feel anxious or scared if too much negative news were reported. To sum up, watching movies and TV programs has become one of part of our daily life. It keeps ordinary people well-informed and provides entertainments to light up our life.  The advent of movies and TV programs definitely bring positive impact on human being's cultures. However, without properly selecting suitable movies or TV programs in terms of ages will cause negative impact to people, especially to the youth.
It is a fact that watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and TV series have become one of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
activities;
moreover
, it
also
influences
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings
dramatically
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
support that it causes harmful impactions on us, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
us
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well informed
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provides
useful messages for us. The essay will
Did you mean simply "discuss both"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
influences on our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings and drawbacks of
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
  
movies and TV series.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
bring tremendous 
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
influences on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daily
activities and societies due to the advent of TV and other digital devices.
Firstly
, watching TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
audiences 
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well informed
and up-to-date what is going on in the world.
Furthermore
, certain kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
, such as document and historical ones, will
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
broad audiences' knowledge
horizontally
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
education channels worldwide will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
excellent contents for children or self-learners.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
  
Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the least,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
or TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to educate students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they provide vivid visual experiences which books cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
. Without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
, our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
will become
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
boring and
we will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
the world like the one in the ancient.

Although it is obvious that the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
precise massages and vivid entertainments to audiences, certain kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
might bring 
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on audiences. For exam, children exposed to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
with violent contents tend to learn from the characters in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and act
violently
or learn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits such as doing drugs, or involving in high-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
sexual
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
news channels will lead ordinary citizens to feel anxious or scared if too much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
news
were reported
.

To sum up, watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
has become one of part of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
ordinary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
well-informed and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provides
entertainments to light up our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.  The advent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
definitely bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
being's cultures.
However
, without
properly
selecting suitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
or TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
in terms of ages will cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
especially
to the youth.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The diagram below shows how salt is removed from sea water to make it drinkable.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
338 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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