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When faced with emergency, some people take arole of a leader, others take a role of a follower. Which role do you take. Provide reasons and examples for your answer. v.1

When faced with emergency, some people take arole of a leader, others take a role of a follower. Which role do you take. Provide reasons and examples for your answer. v. 1
It is well-accepted that university certificate or diploma is one of must accesses during many job applications in current job force; therefore, the majority of parents tackle to help their child or children be enrolled in one of the top universities.   While many people support that completing a course of the university will ensure a well-paid occupation, others claim that experience gained from work after school is more important to secure a good occupation. I tend to agree with the former. The essay will discuss the importance and necessity of completing a course of university education. To begin with, university education has been common among youngsters worldwide due to that curriculum composed for each subject is according to professional advices in order to meet the demand in the workforce market place. Therefore, completing a course in university will learn the basic skills and knowledges so that new graduates will be more competent for jobs they apply.  For example, after graduating from university and obtaining a degree in accounting, graduates hired in banks or companies are competent in many basic skills, such as reading, writing and computer skills as well. Therefore, employs do not start to train them from the basic level. A diploma or certificate not only indicates the level of education, but also imply what kinds of knowledge and skills that the graduates possess after completing all required courses. In addition, university courses provide a systemic approach in training the learners in all aspects which are required in workforce place. Although some people advocate that experience gained during working are more important because hand-on experience is not offered by university courses, the skills learned as working is not systemic and only focus on certain areas in terms of the jobs. For instance, working as an assistant after grade-12 diploma provides opportunities to master some skills, such as organizing skills, interpersonal skills or communication skills; however, some skills such as precise writing skills, analysing skills and appraising articles skills might need to learn through university courses. Allover, university courses will provide opportunities for learners to learn many basic skills which are necessary for their future careers. The courses will assist learners to prepare the tasks in workforce worldwide. Therefore, I support that before obtaining a full-time job in job work, it is necessary to earn a degree from university or diploma.
It is well-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
certificate or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diploma
is one of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
accesses during
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
applications in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
force;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
therefore
, the majority of parents tackle to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their child or children
be enrolled
in one of the top
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
  
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
support that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
completing
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
will ensure a well-paid occupation, others claim that experience gained from work after school is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to secure a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
occupation. I tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the former. The essay will discuss the importance and necessity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
completing
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
education.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
education has been common among youngsters worldwide due to that curriculum composed for each subject is according to professional advices in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the demand in the workforce market place.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
completing
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
will learn the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
knowledges
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that new graduates will be more competent for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
they apply.  
For example
, after graduating from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
and obtaining a degree in accounting, graduates hired in banks or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are competent in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, such as reading, writing and computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
as well
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
, employs do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to train them from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
basic
level. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diploma
or certificate not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
indicates the level of education,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
imply what kinds of knowledge and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
that the graduates possess after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
completing
all required courses.

In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
provide a systemic approach in training the learners in all aspects which
are required
in workforce place. Although 
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
advocate that experience gained during working are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
hand-on experience is not offered by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
learned as working is not systemic and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
focus on certain areas in terms of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
For instance
, working as an assistant after grade-12
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diploma
provides opportunities to master
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, such as organizing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, interpersonal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
or communication 
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
;
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
such as precise writing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and appraising articles
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
might need to learn through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
courses.

Allover,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
will provide opportunities for learners to learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
which are necessary for their future careers. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
will assist learners to prepare the tasks in workforce worldwide.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
, I support that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
obtaining a full-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
work, it is necessary to earn a degree from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diploma
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay When faced with emergency, some people take arole of a leader, others take a role of a follower. Which role do you take. Provide reasons and examples for your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
383 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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