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The widespread of the internet has given people access to information on a level never experienced before? hoe this increase in the availability of information influenced life in today's world? v.1

The widespread of the internet has given people access to information on a level never experienced before? hoe this increase in the availability of information influenced life in today's world? v. 1
It is argued if the rich countries should help the less fortunate ones during natural disasters. I believe they should because the development of the first ones possesses the technical expertise as well as the monetary value needed to help those in need. First of all, it is well known that wealthy nations have a very good infrastructure and scientific knowledge that helped them evolve. On the other hand, developing countries lack those things which are truly important after extreme phenomena, which can cause not only destruction but also many life losses. In this situation, the first one should provide as much help as possible, including not only drinking water and not perishable food supply, but also medical and technical expertise. Secondly, what makes a rich country rich and a poor country poor is the economic power it has. This difference becomes more obvious during natural calamities and can cost not only a bigger number of casualties, but also a longer and struggling coming back. So, to help third-world states in the recovery process, the developed ones should financially contribute. Studying the time needed to rebuild the basic infrastructure after hurricanes, flooding and earthquakes in countries like Haiti, Indonesia and Timor, it was observed that the ones that received humanitarian and monetary aid had an easier time to recover, suggesting that this kind of support is critical after a natural disaster. In conclusion, countries that posed good infrastructure and powerful resources should assist less developed nations in times of need, with their know-how and expertise as well as with monetary and logistical support.
It
is argued
if the rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the less fortunate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
during natural disasters. I believe they should
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the development of the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
possesses the technical expertise
as well
as the monetary value needed to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
those in need.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is well known that wealthy nations have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
infrastructure and scientific knowledge that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
them evolve.
On the other hand
, developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
lack those things which are
truly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
after extreme phenomena, which can cause not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
destruction
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
life losses. In this situation, the
first
one should provide as much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
as possible, including not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
drinking water and not perishable food supply,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
medical and technical expertise.

Secondly
, what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
rich and a poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
poor is the economic power it has. This difference becomes more obvious during natural calamities and can cost not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a bigger number of casualties,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
a longer and struggling coming back.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
third-world states in the recovery process, the developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
should
financially
contribute. Studying the time needed to rebuild the basic infrastructure after hurricanes, flooding and earthquakes in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
like Haiti, Indonesia and Timor, it
was observed
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
that received humanitarian and monetary aid had an easier time to recover, suggesting that this kind of support is critical after a natural disaster.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
that posed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
infrastructure and powerful resources should assist less developed nations in times of need, with their know-how and expertise
as well
as with monetary and logistical support.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The widespread of the internet has given people access to information on a level never experienced before? hoe this increase in the availability of information influenced life in today's world? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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