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Artists need a certain amount of freedom to develop their creativity. Some people think that artists should have total freedom to express any thoughts and ideas. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Artists need a certain amount of freedom to develop their creativity. Some people think that artists should have total freedom to express any thoughts and ideas. v. 2
Art is a powerful form of communication and have has become (is) an indispensable part of human civilization. Many argue that artists‘ freedom should be restricted require freedom to a certain extent to be creative whereas others believe that without complete freedom of expression an artist will not be able to express their his creativity fully (whereas demands that the ideas should be opposite. ). In my opinion, while freedom of expression is important, art must be censored if it contains elements that hurt cultural and religious believes beliefs or instill social and political unrest. (Though the introduction is well structured, it contains several grammatical and lexical resource mistakes. The opinion is clearly expressed. ) Admittedly, an artist plays a crucial role in the development of our society by giving us enormous (enormous is used with a measurable noun. Enormous wealth. Not with ideas) novel (new) ideas, opinions and criticisms in the form of pictures, writing, music or films. Society can use art and take the values from it to develop a better society and helps to overcome cultural and linguistic boundaries (This sentence should offer an explanation to the previous idea. For instance: Artists use their imagination to write novels that later inspire movies, and some science fiction books and movies give creative ideas to scientists. ). Moreover, artistic freedom helps to criticize new decisions and changes made by the government in a healthy way and can (Parallelism: criticize should be parallel to suggest. ) suggest improvements. For instance, eminent artists such as Leonardo Da Vinci and Pablo Picasso have made valuable contributions to the development of world (HOW? Ideally this sentence should be an explanation of the criticism point. ). On the other hand, a total freedom without any restriction can adversely affect the society by hurting cultural and religious sentiments of people. To elaborate, there are many instances were painters have created God’s and deities in a way which hurt various religions. (I’m sure you can elaborate this point with an example. ) Another point to consider is that it unrestricted creative expression can even creates create social tension and political unrest. When an artist expresses his view in a way that that hurts a particular community or a political party, it can lead to communal riots and political instability. For example, recently in India when film Padmavat was released which is a story based on Rajput community in India, it instigated communal riots and violence. (Please create correct sentence structure: For instance, recently a famous Indian director created a movie Padmavat, which allegedly contained some scenes objectionable to a specific community and this led to minor clashes in various parts of North India. ) Following it censorship board banned it’s its release in certain part of the country to restore peace across the nation. (Though both ideas are well explained, idea 1 could have been better expressed with an example. ) To conclude, it is an undeniable fact that creative artist play a principal role in the development of the society and artistic freedom is the fundamental human right. However, government should control arts that hurt religious and cultural sentiments of people in order to maintain peace and harmony among various sections of society.
Art
is a powerful form of communication and have has become (is) an indispensable part of human civilization.
Many
argue that
artists‘
freedom
should
be restricted
require
freedom
to a certain extent to be
creative
whereas others believe that without complete
freedom
of expression an
artist
will not be able to express their his creativity
fully
(whereas demands that the
ideas
should be opposite.
)
. In my opinion, while
freedom
of expression is
important
,
art
must
be censored
if it contains elements that hurt
cultural
and religious believes beliefs or instill social and political unrest. (Though the introduction is
well structured
, it contains several grammatical and lexical resource mistakes. The opinion is
clearly
expressed.
)


Admittedly
, an
artist
plays a crucial role in the development of our
society
by giving us enormous (enormous is
used
with a measurable noun. Enormous wealth. Not with
ideas)
novel (new)
ideas
, opinions and criticisms in the form of pictures, writing, music or films.
Society
can
use
art
and take the values from it to develop a better
society
and
helps
to overcome
cultural
and linguistic boundaries (This sentence should offer an explanation to the previous
idea
. For
instance
:
Artists
use
their imagination to write novels that later inspire movies, and
some
science fiction books and movies give
creative
ideas
to scientists.
)
.
Moreover
, artistic
freedom
helps
to criticize new decisions and
changes
made by the
government
in a healthy way
and can (Parallelism: criticize should be parallel to suggest.
)
suggest improvements. For
instance
, eminent
artists
such as
Leonardo Da Vinci
and Pablo Picasso have made valuable contributions to the development of world (HOW?
Ideally
this sentence should be an explanation of the criticism point.
)
.

On the other hand
, a total
freedom
without any restriction can
adversely
affect the
society
by hurting
cultural
and religious sentiments of
people
. To elaborate, there are
many
instances
were painters have created God’s and deities in a way which hurt various religions. (I’m sure you can elaborate this point with an example.
)
Another point to consider is that
it
unrestricted
creative
expression can even
creates
create social tension and political unrest. When an
artist
expresses his view in a way that that hurts a particular community or a political party, it can lead to communal riots and political instability.
For example
, recently in India when film
Padmavat
was released
which is a story based on
Rajput
community in India, it instigated communal riots and violence. (
Please
create correct sentence structure: For
instance
, recently a
famous
Indian director created a movie
Padmavat
, which allegedly contained
some
scenes objectionable to a specific community and this led to minor clashes in various parts of North India.
)
Following it censorship board banned it’s its release in certain part of the country to restore peace across the nation. (Though both
ideas
are well
explained
,
idea
1 could have been better expressed with an example.
)


To conclude
, it is an undeniable fact that
creative
artist
play a principal role in the development of the
society
and artistic
freedom
is the fundamental human right.
However
,
government
should control
arts
that hurt religious and
cultural
sentiments of
people
in order to maintain peace and harmony among various sections of
society
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
43Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17Mistakes
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Sarah Caldwell

IELTS essay Artists need a certain amount of freedom to develop their creativity. Some people think that artists should have total freedom to express any thoughts and ideas. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
538 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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