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Artists need a certain amount of freedom to develop their creativity. Some people think that artists should have total freedom to express any thoughts and ideas. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Artists need a certain amount of freedom to develop their creativity. Some people think that artists should have total freedom to express any thoughts and ideas. v. 2
Art is a powerful form of communication and have has become (is) an indispensable part of human civilization. Many argue that artists‘ freedom should be restricted require freedom to a certain extent to be creative whereas others believe that without complete freedom of expression an artist will not be able to express their his creativity fully (whereas demands that the ideas should be opposite. ). In my opinion, while freedom of expression is important, art must be censored if it contains elements that hurt cultural and religious believes beliefs or instill social and political unrest. (Though the introduction is well structured, it contains several grammatical and lexical resource mistakes. The opinion is clearly expressed. ) Admittedly, an artist plays a crucial role in the development of our society by giving us enormous (enormous is used with a measurable noun. Enormous wealth. Not with ideas) novel (new) ideas, opinions and criticisms in the form of pictures, writing, music or films. Society can use art and take the values from it to develop a better society and helps to overcome cultural and linguistic boundaries (This sentence should offer an explanation to the previous idea. For instance: Artists use their imagination to write novels that later inspire movies, and some science fiction books and movies give creative ideas to scientists. ). Moreover, artistic freedom helps to criticize new decisions and changes made by the government in a healthy way and can (Parallelism: criticize should be parallel to suggest. ) suggest improvements. For instance, eminent artists such as Leonardo Da Vinci and Pablo Picasso have made valuable contributions to the development of world (HOW? Ideally this sentence should be an explanation of the criticism point. ). On the other hand, a total freedom without any restriction can adversely affect the society by hurting cultural and religious sentiments of people. To elaborate, there are many instances were painters have created God’s and deities in a way which hurt various religions. (I’m sure you can elaborate this point with an example. ) Another point to consider is that it unrestricted creative expression can even creates create social tension and political unrest. When an artist expresses his view in a way that that hurts a particular community or a political party, it can lead to communal riots and political instability. For example, recently in India when film Padmavat was released which is a story based on Rajput community in India, it instigated communal riots and violence. (Please create correct sentence structure: For instance, recently a famous Indian director created a movie Padmavat, which allegedly contained some scenes objectionable to a specific community and this led to minor clashes in various parts of North India. ) Following it censorship board banned it’s its release in certain part of the country to restore peace across the nation. (Though both ideas are well explained, idea 1 could have been better expressed with an example. ) To conclude, it is an undeniable fact that creative artist play a principal role in the development of the society and artistic freedom is the fundamental human right. However, government should control arts that hurt religious and cultural sentiments of people in order to maintain peace and harmony among various sections of society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
is a powerful form of communication and have has become (is) an indispensable part of human civilization.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists‘
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
should
be restricted
require
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
to a certain extent to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
whereas others believe that without complete
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
of expression an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
will not be able to express their his creativity
fully
(whereas demands that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideas
should be opposite.
Loose punctuation mark.
)
. In my opinion, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
of expression is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be censored
if it contains elements that hurt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
and religious believes beliefs or instill social and political unrest. (Though the introduction is
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well structured
, it contains several grammatical and lexical resource mistakes. The opinion is
clearly
expressed.
Loose punctuation mark.
)


Admittedly
, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
plays a crucial role in the development of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
by giving us enormous (enormous is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
with a measurable noun. Enormous wealth. Not with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideas)
novel (new)
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideas
, opinions and criticisms in the form of pictures, writing, music or films.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Society
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and take the values from it to develop a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to overcome
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
and linguistic boundaries (This sentence should offer an explanation to the previous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
idea
. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instance
:
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Artists
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their imagination to write novels that later inspire movies, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
science fiction books and movies give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideas
to scientists.
Loose punctuation mark.
)
.
Moreover
, artistic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to criticize new decisions and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
made by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
Consider replacing "in a healthy way" with the adverb for "healthy"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a healthy way
and can (Parallelism: criticize should be parallel to suggest.
Loose punctuation mark.
)
suggest improvements. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instance
, eminent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
such as
If the term is a proper noun, use the suggested capitalization.
Leonardo Da Vinci
and Pablo Picasso have made valuable contributions to the development of world (HOW?
Ideally
this sentence should be an explanation of the criticism point.
Loose punctuation mark.
)
.

On the other hand
, a total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
without any restriction can
adversely
affect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
by hurting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
and religious sentiments of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. To elaborate, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instances
were painters have created God’s and deities in a way which hurt various religions. (I’m sure you can elaborate this point with an example.
Loose punctuation mark.
)
Another point to consider is that
Did you mean "is" or "it is"?
it
unrestricted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
expression can even
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "create"
creates
create social tension and political unrest. When an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
expresses his view in a way that that hurts a particular community or a political party, it can lead to communal riots and political instability.
For example
, recently in India when film
Possible spelling mistake found.
Padmavat
was released
which is a story based on
Possible spelling mistake found.
Rajput
community in India, it instigated communal riots and violence. (
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Please
create correct sentence structure: For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instance
, recently a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
Indian director created a movie
Possible spelling mistake found.
Padmavat
, which allegedly contained
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
scenes objectionable to a specific community and this led to minor clashes in various parts of North India.
Loose punctuation mark.
)
Following it censorship board banned it’s its release in certain part of the country to restore peace across the nation. (Though both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideas
are well
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
idea
1 could have been better expressed with an example.
Loose punctuation mark.
)


To conclude
, it is an undeniable fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
play a principal role in the development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and artistic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
is the fundamental human right.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should control
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
that hurt religious and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
sentiments of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in order to maintain peace and harmony among various sections of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
43Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17Mistakes

IELTS essay Artists need a certain amount of freedom to develop their creativity. Some people think that artists should have total freedom to express any thoughts and ideas. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
538 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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