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some people believe that tourists do not learn anything during their holidays, while others believe they learn a lot. discuss both views and opine. v.2

some people believe that tourists do not learn anything during their holidays, while others believe they learn a lot. v. 2
It is seen that people have different views about travelling, whether it help to boost knowledge or it is just for roaming different places. While having different mindset, I believe going on vacations helps to ad-up in knowledge. On the one hand, persons plan to go for vacation to relax not to learn. As, from busy schedule persons arrange trips to have some time for their own life, so that mind can relaxed. This help in better results and better concentration on work, which result in to complete work effectively and efficiently. Moreover, traveling means to schedule some time for family and make your bond strong. For instance, modern life is too busy that people have no time for family, so making a trip helps you to understand each other and have happy family. On the other hand, visiting new places is medium to grasp more information. I believe, people save money year around to make trips and explore. As during visiting masses contact local people and extract more information about culture and languages and thus, they can compare better that place with others. Furthermore, one can not learn everything from books. Travelling helps you to get real life education and it is proved that visual effects have long-term effect on our mind other than hiring and reading. Moreover, it is also helpful in team work as it is taught to get goals completed by coordinating with team. In conclusion, though some people have mindset that trips are for relaxation, but I believe a person can boost personal experience and knowledge
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about travelling, whether it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to boost knowledge or it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for roaming
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
places. While having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
mindset, I believe going on vacations
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to ad-up in knowledge.

On the one hand, persons plan to go for vacation to relax not to learn. As, from busy schedule persons arrange
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trips
to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that mind can relaxed. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in better results and better concentration on work, which result in to complete work
effectively
and
efficiently
.
Moreover
, traveling means to schedule
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time for family and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
your bond strong.
For instance
, modern life is too busy that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have no time for family,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
making a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trip
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
you to understand each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
and have happy family.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, visiting new places is medium to grasp more information. I believe,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
save money year around to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trips
and explore. As during visiting masses contact local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and extract more information about culture and languages and
thus
, they can compare better that place with others.
Furthermore
, one can not learn everything from books. Travelling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
you to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
real life education and it
is proved
that visual effects have long-term effect on our mind
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
than hiring and reading.
Moreover
, it is
also
helpful in team work as it
is taught
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
goals completed by coordinating with team.

In conclusion
, though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have mindset that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trips
are for relaxation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believe a person can boost personal experience and knowledge
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay some people believe that tourists do not learn anything during their holidays, while others believe they learn a lot. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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