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The use of social media is replacing face-to-face contact with many people. Does the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v.2

The use of social media is replacing face-to-face contact with many people. Does the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2
In recent decades, the use of social networking system is moderately replacing the face-to-face communication with many people, however, social media has some drawbacks that should be mentioned in this case. This essay will examine the advantages and disadvantages of social media. The two chief advantages of using the social networking system are the simple function of allocation as well as the ability to connect people even from the other hemisphere of the earth. First of all, the inner design of social media is being sophisticated, as the quantity of consumers increase. Claiming more elaborately, it is being functioned in simple method of usage theme, as well as it yields many reaction or like buttons to attract customers attention and give the feeling as if that person is near them. Facebook, Instagram and Twitter are the most spectacular example of high sophisticated social media system, at the moment, we are able to interact with our beloved ones even they are far from us, in other words, who live and study overseas. These kind of systems permit us to connect with our loved ones despite our busy working schedule. Furthermore, in spite of where are we, it is possible to communicate with them with just one click of button. Nonetheless, there are some drawbacks that should be discussed. The usage of social media is gradually replacing the real communication between people and it is inevitable occurrence that we have to deal with. Back then, people used to meet with each other with a high expectation and excitement due to the fact that they were far from each other. For instance, families used to eat lunch together sitting circling around their table. Moreover, they were interacting with each other by saying what they have done that day, and what happened to them. Whereas, these close relationship is gradually being replaced by the social system. Nonetheless, whether people break their live relationship or acquit it, will just depend on the individual. By the way of conclusion, everything has two perspective either advantageous or disadvantageous. As a flow of time internet is gradually replacing the live interaction. Some argue that its drawbacks predominate the advantages, on the other hand, I believe that the internet based communication are far more beneficial.
In recent decades, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
is
moderately
replacing the face-to-face communication with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
however
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks that should
be mentioned
in this case
. This essay will examine the advantages and disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media.

The two chief advantages of using the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
are the simple function of allocation
as well
as the ability to connect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
even from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hemisphere of the earth.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the inner design of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is
being sophisticated
, as the quantity of consumers increase. Claiming more
elaborately
, it is
being functioned
in simple method of usage theme,
as well
as it yields
Possible agreement error. The noun reaction seems to be countable; consider using: "many reactions".
many reaction
or like buttons to attract customers attention and give the feeling as if that person is near them. Facebook, Instagram and Twitter are the most spectacular example of high sophisticated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
, at the moment, we are able to interact with our beloved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
even they are far from us, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
and study overseas.
Did you mean "this kind" or "These kinds"?
These kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
permit us to connect with our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
despite our busy working schedule.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
where are we, it is possible to communicate with them with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
one click of button.

Nonetheless, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks that should
be discussed
. The usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is
gradually
replacing the real communication between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and it is inevitable occurrence that we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
deal with. Back then,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
with a high expectation and excitement due to the fact that they were far from each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
For instance
, families
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to eat lunch together sitting circling around their table.
Moreover
, they were interacting with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
by saying what they have done that day, and what happened to them.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, these close relationship is
gradually
being replaced
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
. Nonetheless, whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
break their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
relationship or acquit it, will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
depend on the individual.

By the way of conclusion, everything has two perspective either advantageous or disadvantageous.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
a flow of time internet is
gradually
replacing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
interaction.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
argue that its drawbacks predominate the advantages, on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, I believe that the internet based communication are far more beneficial.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay The use of social media is replacing face-to-face contact with many people. Does the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
376 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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