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The use of social media is replacing face-to-face contact with many people. Does the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

The use of social media is replacing face-to-face contact with many people. Does the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
It is true that a company’s success relies heavily on the performance of its staff members. There are several measures that can be implemented to increase staff productivity. This essay will discuss these measures in more detail. To begin with, improving working conditions for the staff is vital for them to be productive because such improvement will allow them to carry out their duties precisely and in a timely efficient manner. For example, almost all CEOs who participated in a survey in the U. S. said that the most important factor for their success was improving working conditions for the employees. Better working conditions will automatically increase the productivity of employees and allow them to achieve their targets. It is equally important to keep employees happy. They should feel wanted and valued. Companies can increase the productivity of their staff and boost their morale by rewarding and promoting staff members who carry out their duties effectively because this will encourage other staff members to follow in doing their duties in more effective ways. For instance, in 2012, a Sudanese company was transformed from being a failed company into one of the most successful businesses in Sudan by rewarding and promoting their staff. Thus such a policy will undoubtedly help in increasing the productivity of employees in any business outlet and that will consequently help a company to succeed. To sum up, the performance of employees is the most imperative factor in any business’s success. Companies can increase the productivity of their staff by improving their working conditions and by giving rewards and promotions.
It is true that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company’s
success relies
heavily
on the performance of its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
members. There are several measures that can
be implemented
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
productivity
. This essay will discuss these measures in more detail.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
conditions for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
is vital for them to be productive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
such improvement will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to carry out their duties
precisely
and in a timely efficient manner.
For example
, almost all CEOs who participated in a survey in the U. S. said that the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor for their success was improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
conditions for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
. Better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
conditions will
automatically
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
productivity
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to achieve their targets.

It is
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
happy. They should feel wanted and valued.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Companies
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
productivity
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
and boost their morale by rewarding and promoting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
members who carry out their duties
effectively
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this will encourage other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
members to follow in doing their duties in more effective ways.
For instance
, in 2012, a Sudanese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
was transformed
from being a failed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
into one of the most successful businesses in Sudan by rewarding and promoting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
such a policy will
undoubtedly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in increasing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
productivity
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
in any business outlet and that will
consequently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
to succeed.

To sum up, the performance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
is the most imperative factor in any business’s success.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Companies
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
productivity
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
by improving their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
conditions and by giving rewards and promotions.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
One who speaks only one language is one person, but one who speaks two languages is two people.
Turkish proverb

IELTS essay The use of social media is replacing face-to-face contact with many people. Does the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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