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The use of personal cars has increased more than ever before but this use of cars causes many problems What are those problems In order to reduce these problems should we discourage people to use cars v.1

The use of personal cars has increased more than ever before but this use of cars causes many problems What are those problems In order to reduce these problems should we discourage people to use cars v. 1
Many are of the view that leadership is innate, rather than cultivated through time and experience. In my opinion, leadership is largely more developed rather than gifted. Those who believe that there are naturally born leaders point out the character of a person as a fixed quantity. There are certain individuals who display a natural charisma and inimitable capacity for command. A recent example of this would be Barack Obama. He is a naturally eloquent, stately, physically imposing presence and perfectly walks a fine line between warmth and firmness. Researchers have long identified common natural characteristics of leadership such as height, a deep voice, a strong chin and natural grace of movement. These cannot be developed to a significant degree and therefore support the claim that leadership is intrinsic. However, great leadership is more deliberate than spontaneous. There are countless examples of individuals possessing all the physical characteristics of leaders who fall well short of inspiring people. An instructive example of this is Steve Jobs. Early in his career, he inspired people with his exceptional talent, but that had its limits as he pushed and demeaned employees ultimately leading to his ouster from Apple. This humbling experience led him to soften the sharp edges of his personality in the ensuing decade by considering other viewpoints and giving up more control to competent employees. These learned traits served him well when he become CEO of Apple again and reached what many regard as the pinnacle of leadership. In conclusion, though the endpoint may obscure the origins, all leaders must cultivate their hubris to become great leaders. The long-standing assumptions about leadership must be challenged in order to put in place better institutional practices to mould future pioneers of industry and politics.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
are of the view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leadership
is innate,
rather
than cultivated through time and experience. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leadership
is
largely
more developed
rather
than gifted.

Those who believe that there are
naturally
born
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaders
point out the character of a person as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
quantity. There are certain individuals who display a natural charisma and inimitable capacity for command. A recent example of this would be Barack Obama. He is a
naturally
eloquent, stately,
physically
imposing presence and
perfectly
walks a fine line between warmth and firmness. Researchers have long identified common natural characteristics of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leadership
such as height, a deep voice, a strong chin and natural grace of movement. These cannot
be developed
to a significant degree and
therefore
support the claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leadership
is intrinsic.

However
, great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leadership
is more deliberate than spontaneous. There are countless examples of individuals possessing all the physical characteristics of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaders
who fall well short of inspiring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. An instructive example of this is Steve Jobs. Early in his career, he inspired
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with his exceptional talent,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
that had its limits as he pushed and demeaned employees
ultimately
leading to his ouster from Apple. This humbling experience led him to soften the sharp edges of his personality in the ensuing decade by considering other viewpoints and giving up more control to competent employees. These learned traits served him well when he become CEO of Apple again and reached what
Possible agreement error. The noun regard seems to be countable; consider using: "many regards".
many regard
as the pinnacle of leadership.

In conclusion
, though the endpoint may obscure the origins, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaders
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
cultivate their hubris to become great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaders
. The long-standing assumptions about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leadership
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be challenged
in order to put in place better institutional practices to
Possible spelling mistake. 'mould' is British English.
mould
future pioneers of industry and politics.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The use of personal cars has increased more than ever before but this use of cars causes many problems What are those problems In order to reduce these problems should we discourage people to use cars v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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