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The use of mobile phones is as antisocial as smoking. Smoking is banned in certainplaces so mobile phones should be banned like smoking. To what extent do you agree ordisagree? v.1

The use of mobile phones is as antisocial as smoking. Smoking is banned in certainplaces so mobile phones should be banned like smoking. v. 1
In the modern world, it seems that many people wish to pursue studies abroad according to their wish. This is because nowadays the world is like a global village, and there are many interesting educational courses according to everyones taste. In my opinion, studying abroad is not a necessity as it will not help to find a job in his native place, and also the student needs to invest a lot of money. Firstly, education is a process of acquiring knowledge to accomplish a job. When a country has sufficient job categories based on the educational courses it offers, they could create an enormous amount of the work for every citizen. For example, when an area has a work based on oceanic creatures and fishes, then the Government has to start the required degree programs in this particular area to fulfil such requirement. This will reduce the number of students who wish to go abroad for higher studies. Furthermore, going abroad for studies requires a lot of money. This is because the student need a special visa, and educational expenses. For example, a student who is wishing go for higher studies in Australia needs a student visa, should fund educational expenses, accomodation expenses, travelling expenses etc. In addition, the student also must need to find a work once the degree is completed to meet the expenses incurred. This is because coming back to own country and looking for a job is not a good idea as the student might not get into a proper job according to his educational qualification. In conclusion, travelling is not necessary for studies. Students can become a scholar locally. Also studying abroad needs a lot of money to be spent for education. My opinion is that the Government must start college degree programs based on the job requirements within the country.
In the modern world, it seems that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
wish to pursue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
according to their wish. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
nowadays the world is like a global village, and there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
interesting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
courses according to
Possible spelling mistake found.
everyones
taste. In my opinion, studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
is not a necessity as it will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to find a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in his native place, and
also
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to invest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money.

Firstly
, education is a process of acquiring knowledge to accomplish a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. When a country has sufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
categories based on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
courses it offers, they could create an enormous amount of the work for every citizen.
For example
, when an area has a work based on oceanic creatures and fishes, then the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
the required degree programs in this particular area to fulfil such requirement. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who wish to go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
for higher studies.

Furthermore
, going
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
requires
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
a special visa, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
expenses.
For example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
who
The verb 'wishing' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
is wishing
go for higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
in Australia
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
visa, should fund
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
expenses,
Possible spelling mistake found.
accomodation
expenses, travelling expenses etc.
In addition
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to find a work once the degree
is completed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the expenses incurred. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
coming back to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
country and looking for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
might not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into a proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
according to his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
qualification.

In conclusion
, travelling is not necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
can become a scholar
locally
.
Also
studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money to
be spent
for education. My opinion is that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
college degree programs based on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
requirements within the country.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay The use of mobile phones is as antisocial as smoking. Smoking is banned in certainplaces so mobile phones should be banned like smoking. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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