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The use of electronic media has a negative effect on personal relationships between people To what extent do you agree or disagree v.1

The use of electronic media has a negative effect on personal relationships between people v. 1
Time spend with the friends can be enjoyable. There is a time to be alone, however, and to think seriously without the input of others. Relaxing alone at home is a good time to think about something important or enjoyable without interference from other people. Also, solitude is an aid to creativity. Many good ideas occur when one sits alone and lets one's mind wander. The result may be valuable new insight. The chemist who worked out the structure of the benzene ring, for example, had that particular idea while sitting in front of a fireplace. Would that idea had occurred to him if he had been sitting with friends in a noisy tavern? At such moments of creativity, company may be the last thing anybody desires. Consider the story of British poet Samuel Taylor Coleridge, who composed his famous poem "Kabula Khan" in its entirety in his mind and was ready to put the poem on paper when received and unexpected visitor. The visitor soon departed, but meanwhile Coleridge had forgotten portion of the poem. He was able to recall and record only bits and pieces of it. Those fragments became one of the best-known poems in English. However, what must the original work have been like? We will never know, because an unwanted company distracted the poet as he was about to write it down. Therefore, companionship may have its own benefits, but so does time spent alone; and while group activity may be fun, solitude yields deeper and more lasting rewards.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Time
spend with the friends can be enjoyable. There is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
,
however
, and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
seriously
without the input of others. Relaxing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
at home is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
or enjoyable without interference from other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Also
, solitude is an aid to creativity.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
occur when one sits
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lets
one's mind wander. The result may be valuable new insight. The chemist who worked out the structure of the benzene ring,
for example
, had that particular
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
while sitting in front of a fireplace. Would that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
had occurred to him if he had been sitting with friends in a noisy tavern?

At such moments of creativity,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
may be the last thing anybody desires. Consider the story of British poet Samuel Taylor Coleridge, who composed his
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poem
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kabula
Khan
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
in its entirety in his mind and was ready to put the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poem
on paper when received and unexpected visitor. The visitor
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
departed,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
meanwhile Coleridge had forgotten portion of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poem
. He was able to recall and record
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
bits and pieces of it. Those fragments became one of the best-known
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poems
in English.
However
, what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
the original work have been like? We will never know,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
an unwanted
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
distracted the poet as he was about to write it down.

Therefore
, companionship may have its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
benefits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
does
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
spent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
; and while group activity may be fun, solitude yields deeper and more lasting rewards.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The use of electronic media has a negative effect on personal relationships between people v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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