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Integrated quest 4: Explain the causes of stress and relate them to the experiments with rats. v.1

Integrated quest 4: Explain the causes of stress and relate them to the experiments with rats. v. 1
Family structure plays a vital role to form a society, but from the past few decades, it is noticed that family structures have changed from joint to nuclear family system and this change has its own pros and cones. I believe that the benefits of these changes are less than its drawbacks. A joint family system strengthens social and moral ethics, which are the basic pillars to form a strong nation. The joint family system teaches its young generation, helping others to make a strong bond with other family members by helping them in their tough time. Furthermore, the whole family act as a team to tackle any problem. As a result, the young generation trained in such environment act as a family to solve the problem when their country faces any kind of issue. The joint family system helps the financially weak family member, who later on can be an earning hand of the family. When all the family members earn then the financial status of the whole family starts increasing gradually. For instance, most of the families lived in Pakistan have joint family structure, where three generations (grandparent to grandsons) are living in the same house and earning is the responsibility of all male family members. They all share their financial issues with each other and everyone contributes their share to solve that issue. Consequently, a financially weak family member becomes able to tackle the problem. In conclusion, the nuclear family system provides privacy for a family, but its members have to pay its price. They have to handle financial and social problems by themselves. On the other hand, members of the joint family system stand by the side of each other in every situation. Therefore, the joint family system outweighs the nuclear family structure.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
structure
plays a vital role to form a society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
from the past few decades, it
is noticed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
structures
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joint
to nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
and this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
pros and cones. I believe that the benefits of these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
are less than its drawbacks.

A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
strengthens social and moral ethics, which are the basic pillars to form a strong nation. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
teaches its young generation, helping others to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a strong bond with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
by helping them in their tough time.
Furthermore
, the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
act as a team to tackle any problem.
As a result
, the young generation trained in such environment act as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
to solve the problem when their country faces any kind of issue.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the
financially
weak
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
member
, who later on can be an earning hand of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
earn then the financial status of the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
increasing
gradually
.
For instance
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in Pakistan have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
structure
, where three generations (grandparent to grandsons) are living in the same
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and earning is the responsibility of all male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
. They all share their financial issues with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
and everyone contributes their share to solve that issue.
Consequently
, a
financially
weak
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
member
becomes able to tackle the problem.

In conclusion
, the nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
provides privacy for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay its price. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
handle financial and social problems by themselves. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
stand by the side of each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
in every situation.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
outweighs the nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
structure
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Integrated quest 4: Explain the causes of stress and relate them to the experiments with rats. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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