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The use of corporal punishment (physical hitting students) in schools is in decline, yet it should be used to improve behavior. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.1

The use of corporal punishment (physical hitting students) in schools is in decline, yet it should be used to improve behavior. with this statement? v. 1
Disciplining physically in schools is considered to be controversial since educational environment has a notable impact on students. While punishment is gradually restricted in many schools, some people hold the view that it should be applied increasingly in schools with the purpose of modifying students’ bad attitudes. In my opinion, I strongly disagree with this point of view. Frist of all, it is worth pointing out there is overwhelming evidence that violent discipline adversely influences students. Undoubtedly, corporal punishment towards youngsters causes not only physical harm but also mental disorders in the long term. As a matter of fact, corporal punishment might become an obsession of many students over a long period of time. Moreover, reality shows that young people experiencing kinds of extreme punishment including harsh spanking and slapping in their teenage years tend to behave more aggressively in the first stages of adulthood compared to the others. Apart from some concerns expressed above, another drawback of physical punishment is that it appears to be inefficient in the name of discipline. When teachers hit their students to punish them, it is concerning that students tend to learn to behave as a way to protect themselves from harsh punishments, but they show no signs of internalization of changing their manners. It is widely believed that the main purpose of education is instructing students to behave reasonably by pointing out that their bad behaviors should be avoided and encouraging them to make positive modifications. In conclusion, I suspect that applying corporal punishment in schools is apparently disadvantageous to students and should be completely prohibited.
Disciplining
physically
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
is considered
to be controversial since educational environment has a notable impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
is
gradually
restricted in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
hold the view that it should
be applied
increasingly
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
with the purpose of modifying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
attitudes. In my opinion, I
strongly
disagree with this point of view.

Possible spelling mistake found.
Frist
of all, it is worth pointing out there is overwhelming evidence that violent discipline
adversely
influences
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Undoubtedly
, corporal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
towards youngsters causes not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
physical harm
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
mental disorders in the long term. As a matter of fact, corporal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
might become an obsession of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
over a long period of time.
Moreover
, reality
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
experiencing kinds of extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
including harsh spanking and slapping in their teenage years tend to behave more
aggressively
in the
first
stages of adulthood compared to the others.

Apart from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
concerns expressed above, another drawback of physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
is that it appears to be inefficient in the name of discipline. When teachers hit their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to punish them, it is concerning that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
tend to learn to behave as a way to protect themselves from harsh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
no signs of internalization of changing their manners. It is
widely
believed that the main purpose of education is instructing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to behave
reasonably
by pointing out that their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
behaviors should
be avoided
and encouraging them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
modifications.

In conclusion
, I suspect that applying corporal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
is
apparently
disadvantageous to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and should be completely prohibited.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay The use of corporal punishment (physical hitting students) in schools is in decline, yet it should be used to improve behavior. with this statement? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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