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Some people think that the best way to solve the problem of poverty in many countries is to set up businesses and improve trade links with rich countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree? What other measures do you think might be effective? v.1

Some people think that the best way to solve the problem of poverty in many countries is to set up businesses and improve trade links with rich countries. What other measures do you think might be effective? v. 1
To many people, to reduce poverty in some countries, they have to initiate businesses and create trade connections with wealth nations. Personally, I agree with this statement due to numerous benefits from this way. Besides, other measures should be taken into consideration. Initially, when cooperating with rich countries in trading, their products, landscapes, customs and culture will be introduced more through meetings and conferences. Therefore, more people will know about their countries and probably visit for their beautiful spots and landmarks in their hometown. Moreover, it is going to be easier for them to create nice relationship with others, and the other countries will help them by providing money or training their students for free. For example, in the past, because of the closeness between Vietnam and Cuba, Cubans were willing to supply weapons for Vietnamese to be against the enemies. Thanks to them, Vietnamese could protect their land from enemies and develop the country. Nevertheless, several strategies must be considered to develop the poor countries. First, governments should focus on education’s quality more. Since students benefit from modern teaching methods and facilities, they will gain enough knowledge and skills to contribute to the gradual increase in economy and other fields in the future. Second, they have to try to solve some serious problems in their countries, especially the high crime rate by imposing stricter laws, so that the countries will be renowned as the safe places to travel. Therefore, tourism will rise. Finally, spending money on the strengths would be ideal for the residents to do. For instance, if they country has many seas, then they should effectively exploit the fish resources there. Overall, I believe that businesses coordination with rich nation, along with other measures, will wane the poverty of one country.
To
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
poverty in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
initiate businesses and create trade connections with wealth nations.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement due to numerous benefits from this way.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
measures should
be taken
into consideration.

Initially
, when cooperating with rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in trading, their products, landscapes, customs and culture will
be introduced
more through meetings and conferences.
Therefore
, more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will know about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and
probably
visit for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
spots and landmarks in their hometown.
Moreover
, it is going to be easier for them to create nice relationship with others, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them by providing money or training their students for free.
For example
, in the past,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the closeness between Vietnam and Cuba, Cubans were willing to supply weapons for Vietnamese to be against the enemies. Thanks to them, Vietnamese could protect their land from enemies and develop the country.

Nevertheless
, several strategies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be considered
to develop the poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
First
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should focus on education’s quality more. Since students benefit from modern teaching methods and facilities, they will gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to contribute to the gradual increase in economy and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
fields in the future. Second, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
try to solve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious problems in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
especially
the high crime rate by imposing stricter laws,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
will
be renowned
as the safe places to travel.
Therefore
, tourism will rise.
Finally
, spending money on the strengths would be ideal for the residents to do.
For instance
, if they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
seas, then they should
effectively
exploit the fish resources there.

Overall
, I believe that
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "businesses'" or "business's"?
businesses
coordination with rich nation, along with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
measures, will wane the poverty of one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the best way to solve the problem of poverty in many countries is to set up businesses and improve trade links with rich countries. What other measures do you think might be effective? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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