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The two pie charts given below describe some eployment patterns in Great Britain in 1992 and the data is calibrate in percentage In general it can be seen that the biggest proportion from male was managerial and profesional and the biggest percentage of F v.1

The two pie charts given below describe some eployment patterns in Great Britain in 1992 and the data is calibrate in percentage In general it can be seen that the biggest proportion from male was managerial and profesional and the biggest percentage of F v. 1
It is widely believed that culture and tourism add immensely to the gross domestic product (GDP) of any country's economy, hence the need for foreign visitors to pay more. While this might be true, I am certain that this would not be the best of decisions to take, as this step would have more negative effect on the volume of visitors coming in to experience and learn about other people's culture. This could also lead to the locals trivializing their own very culture and attractions. First of all, making foreign tourist pay more when visiting cultural attractions may discourage individuals who are not from that locality. Foreigners may begin to feel that they are being exploited and thus hinder them from taking steps to tour such notable places or partake in the events. For instance, many Nigerians who do not reside in Abeokuta, who would have loved to visit the famous "Olumo Rock" situated in Abeokuta, have been repelled by the outrageous entrance fee they have to pay, since they do not posses the "Abeokuta Residents Identification card" which would have afforded them the opportunity to explore such a place at a lesser fee. In addition to this, joblessness might begin to creep in for those who work as tourist guides, as the volume of people to show around would have reduced or even gotten to none eventually. Although, people believe locals should have better and lesser restrictions to attractions within their locality, as they have paid taxes for these attractions to be developed and maintained. It is also very likely that these locals would trivialize such attractions. Generally, whatsoever is not paid for has no value. In a situation where the locals are charged lower than their foreign tourist they may not be motivated to take a tour to these places, as no value has been attached to the attractions by the locals. Moreover, many locals feel, it's in my neighbourhood, why should I go there to pay even for a lesser amount of money. So why charge them lower than foreigners? In conclusion, though the cultural sector of many countries makes more money from foreigners, it is unwise for them to be charged higher prices than the local tourist as these would cause a reduction in the number of those who visit, thereby causing a significant drop in tourist revenue. I therefore recommended that both locals and foreigners be made to pay equally.
It is
widely
believed that culture and tourism
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
immensely
to the gross domestic product (GDP) of any country's economy,
hence
the need for foreign visitors to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
more. While this might be true, I am certain that this would not be the best of decisions to take, as this step would have more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on the volume of visitors coming in to experience and learn about other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's culture. This could
also
lead to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
trivializing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
culture and attractions.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, making foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
more when visiting cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attractions
may discourage individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are not from that locality. Foreigners may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to feel that they are
being exploited
and
thus
hinder them from taking steps to tour such notable places or partake in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Nigerians
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do not reside in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Abeokuta
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
would have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
to visit the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Possible spelling mistake found.
Olumo
Rock
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
situated in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Abeokuta
, have
been repelled
by the outrageous entrance fee they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
, since they do not posses the
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Possible spelling mistake found.
Abeokuta
Residents Identification card
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
which would have afforded them the opportunity to explore such a place at a lesser fee.
In addition
to this, joblessness might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to creep in for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
work as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
guides, as the volume of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
around would have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
or even gotten to none
eventually
.

Although,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
should have better and lesser restrictions to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attractions
within their locality, as they have paid taxes for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attractions
to
be developed
and maintained. It is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
likely that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
would trivialize such attractions.

Generally
, whatsoever is not paid for has no value. In a situation where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
are charged
lower than their foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
they may not
be motivated
to take a tour to these places, as no value has
been attached
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attractions
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
feel, it's in my
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
, why should I go there to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
even for a lesser amount of money.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
why charge them lower than foreigners?

In conclusion
, though the cultural sector of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
more money from foreigners, it is unwise for them to
be charged
higher prices than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
as these would cause a reduction in the number of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
visit, thereby causing a significant drop in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
revenue. I
therefore
recommended that both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
and foreigners
be made
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
equally
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay The two pie charts given below describe some eployment patterns in Great Britain in 1992 and the data is calibrate in percentage In general it can be seen that the biggest proportion from male was managerial and profesional and the biggest percentage of F v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
405 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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