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The chart below contains information provided by Australia's tertiary institutions about the percentage of male and female students who enrolled in different subjects in 1995. v.2

The chart below contains information provided by Australia's tertiary institutions about the percentage of male and female students who enrolled in different subjects in 1995. v. 2
While some people argue that it is best to admit defeat or a bad option, others claim that it is important to struggle and develop our condition. In my point of view, we should try to do our best and never give up. This essay will examine both views with relevant examples. On the one hand, as it is well known that life is not easy for everyone. In other words, most of the people face different kinds of problems in their entire life. Although every people dream about making a good life for themselves, everyone cannot achieve their goals. For instance, almost every student thinks about entering the best university or people try to have the best job with a good salary. However, it may be impossible to reach their goals. Moreover, struggling too much may cause serious health problems such as mental disorders. Therefore, sometimes, people should accept their situation and move on with their life to avoid health problems. On the other hand, life goes on and we should believe that every day is a new chance for us. Moreover, every day provides another golden opportunity. Life is not about how many times we fail, life is about how many times we try. For instance, if we could not enter a university that we dream about it, we should try our chance again. Furthermore, if we need job satisfaction, we should develop ourselves and try to find another one. The important point is always struggling for a sense of fulfilment and our goals. To conclude, some people think that we should admit our situation and not struggle for more. However, I firmly believe that we should always try to do our best and never give up.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
to admit defeat or a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
option, others claim that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to struggle and develop our condition. In my point of view, we should try to do our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
and never give up. This essay will examine both views with relevant examples.

On the one hand, as it is well known that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is not easy for everyone.
In other words
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of problems in their entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Although every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
dream about making a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
for themselves, everyone cannot achieve their goals.
For instance
, almost every student
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
about entering the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
university or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
try to have the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
job with a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
salary.
However
, it may be impossible to reach their goals.
Moreover
, struggling too much may cause serious health problems such as mental disorders.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should accept their situation and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
on with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
to avoid health problems.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
goes
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
on and
we should believe that every day is a new chance for us.
Moreover
, every day provides another golden opportunity.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Life
is not about how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times we fail,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is about how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times we try.
For instance
, if we could not enter a university that we dream about it, we should try our chance again.
Furthermore
, if we need job satisfaction, we should develop ourselves and try to find another one. The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
point is always struggling for a sense of
Possible spelling mistake. 'fulfilment' is British English.
fulfilment
and our goals.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that we should admit our situation and not struggle for more.
However
, I
firmly
believe that we should always try to do our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
and never give up.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The chart below contains information provided by Australia's tertiary institutions about the percentage of male and female students who enrolled in different subjects in 1995. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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