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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People can solve the most important problems in their lives by themselves or with the help from their family; help from the government is unnecessary? v.457

People can solve the most important problems in their lives by themselves or with the help from their family; help from the government is unnecessary? v. 457
Nowadays, people have lots of tools to help them to solve the problems. Some people may state that we can solve the most important problems in our lives by ourselves or with help from our family which others argue that having help from the government is more efficient. First of all, some problems cannot be solved by ourselves. To be specific, our government force people to be educated until senior high school. Without the policy, it is hard to let every place to have the same resources and teachers. Furthermore, education is not only important for the kids but also helping the people who live in the countryside. It is too difficult to construct a complete education system by a person without the government’s help/ involvement. Second, the government has the entire law and organization to assure us of safety and protection. For example, police officers provide a safe environment for people, they manage the traffic system and arrest criminals to protect people. Actually, in my country, the police officer will get the request to catch the wild animal or save people who are lost in the forest, even some of them help foreign visitors to find their way to go. As a result, a safe environment is hard to build one family and one person. We need our government to construct it. Third, professional workers can solve our problems as soon as possible. For instance, if I get a cough, my mother always gives me medicine to cure it. On the other hand, the doctors who work in our city hospital look at details to find the reason which makes me sick. The workers have their professional skills and they can solve our problems immediately. Definitely, some people may state that solving problems by ourselves can encourage us to become an independent person. However, some crucial situations are hard to solve without assistance. For example, education, the medical system or the safety society cannot be contracted easily by one person or one family. To conclude, it is necessary that people must solve the most important problems in their lives by searching for resources and assistance from the government.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have lots of tools to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may state that we can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solve
the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
by ourselves or with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
from our family which others argue that having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is more efficient.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
cannot
be solved
by ourselves. To be specific, our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
force
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
be educated
until senior high school. Without the policy, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
every place to have the same resources and teachers.
Furthermore
, education is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the kids
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
helping the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the countryside. It is too difficult to construct a complete education system by a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
without the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
/ involvement.

Second, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has the entire law and organization to assure us of safety and protection.
For example
, police officers provide a safe environment for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, they manage the traffic system and arrest criminals to protect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Actually, in my country, the police officer will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the request to catch the wild animal or save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
are lost
in the forest, even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
foreign visitors to find their way to go.
As a result
, a safe environment is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to build one family and one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
. We need our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to construct it.

Third, professional workers can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solve
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible.
For instance
, if I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a cough, my mother always gives me medicine to cure it.
On the other hand
, the doctors who work in our city hospital look at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
to find the reason which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
me sick. The workers have their professional
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
skills and
they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solve
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
immediately.

Definitely,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may state that solving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
by ourselves can encourage us to become an independent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
crucial situations are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solve
without assistance.
For example
, education, the medical system or the safety society cannot
be contracted
easily
by one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
or one family.
To conclude
, it is necessary that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solve
the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
by searching for resources and assistance from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay People can solve the most important problems in their lives by themselves or with the help from their family; help from the government is unnecessary? v. 457

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
359 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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