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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Telephone has greaterinfluence on people’s lives than television has. v.456

Telephone has greaterinfluence on people’s lives than television has. v. 456
Nowadays, technology had made life more comfortable than ever. Some people believe the telephone has the most important effect on people' s life. However, I hold that the impacts of television are more influential because it provides educational content as well as family entertainment for the audience. Tv has prominent educational value. It can be used as a tool for learning in home and classroom. With the ranges of channels it offers, there is no shortage of educational content. These channels give people information about science, nations, the world, and sport, etc. all it needs is an intelligent mind to choose the right content. The education value of it increases with its powerful visual effect. It is shown that one' s retention is better when they watch than when they pore over similar content in a printed book. Moreover, it offers the audience a chance to expose to different cultures. They familiarize individuals with people and places they couldn' t encounter in daily life. Second, television can be a catalyst for family interaction and entertainment. It is one activity that the family can engage in together. Thus they can strengthen their bond. Furthermore, it reinforces analytical and logical thinking in family members. Discussions are inevitable while watching programs, especially news items, documentary, and shows. People get the opportunity to react to what they see depicted on tv. Therefore, they learn to reason out and apply logical thinking while voicing their opinions. For example, films trigger such conversations at home. Specific scenes, responses of characters to situations, and the director handling of the plot give ample scope for appealing talks at home. Therefore television is an excellent device to consolidate relationships. In conclusion, television has had a significant role in people' s life because it offers valuable educational content and improves the family relationship.
Nowadays, technology had made life more comfortable than ever.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe the telephone has the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
effect on
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s life.
However
, I hold that the impacts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
are more influential
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it provides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
content
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
entertainment for the audience.

Possible spelling mistake found.
Tv
has prominent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
value. It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as a tool for learning in home and classroom. With the ranges of channels it offers, there is no shortage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
content
. These channels give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
information about science, nations, the world, and sport, etc. all it needs is an intelligent mind to choose the right
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
content
. The education value of it increases with its powerful visual effect. It
is shown
that
Possible spelling mistake found.
one&
#039; s retention is better when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
than when they pore over similar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
content
in a printed book.
Moreover
, it offers the audience a chance to expose to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures. They familiarize individuals with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and places they
Possible spelling mistake found.
couldn&
#039; t encounter in daily life.

Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
can be a catalyst for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
interaction and entertainment. It is one activity that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
can engage in together.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
they can strengthen their bond.
Furthermore
, it reinforces analytical and logical thinking in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members. Discussions are inevitable while watching programs,
especially
news items, documentary, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the opportunity to react to what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
depicted on
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
.
Therefore
, they learn to reason out and apply logical thinking while voicing their opinions.
For example
, films trigger such conversations at home. Specific scenes, responses of characters to situations, and the director handling of the plot give ample scope for appealing talks at home.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is an excellent device to consolidate relationships.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
has had a significant role in
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it offers valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
content
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
relationship.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Telephone has greaterinfluence on people’s lives than television has. v. 456

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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