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Children nowadays spend a great deal of time watching television. However, television cannot replace the book as a learning tool, which is why children are less well‐educated today. To what extent do you agree with this statement? v.14

Children nowadays spend a great deal of time watching television. However, television cannot replace the book as a learning tool, which is why children are less well‐educated today. v. 14
Nowadays, juveniles devote the majority of time watching their favourite TV shows, or cartoons. However, few factions of the society believe that the TV will never supersede books as a knowledge enhancement tool owing to which children have insufficient literacy skills today. I strongly agree with the notion and shall elucidate my views in the following essay. First and foremost, the books are bombarded with a plethora of information. Hence, although the television acts as a primary source of entertainment for numerous offsprings and teenagers, it does not facilitate in-depth chapters and the stories that assists the child in attaining the relevant data alike theoretical knowledge. For instance, a child, who aims to become a doctor, can never qualify the medical entrance exam just by watching a TV series and improper theoretical guidance. Moreover, the books help children to focus that is quite unusual in the case of television. This is because the hearing and watching ability at the same time breaks the juvenile's focus towards the primary topic. Indeed, books are silent tools that aid to increase their reading power enabling them to focus on a specific subject. For instance, a survey in the Oxford University, which is one of the top educational institutes, revealed that 78% of the kids were inclined towards the books to gain knowledge rather than TV as they found it to be a peaceful mode of study, and the TV sound acted as an impediment to focus hard. To conclude, the argument that TV's can be supplemented with books certainly does not hold water. Needless to say, books are an indispensable source of information. They not only consist of massive amount of data, but also allows the child to highly concentrate.
Nowadays, juveniles devote the majority of time watching their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
, or cartoons.
However
, few factions of the society believe that the TV will never supersede
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
as a knowledge enhancement tool owing to which children have insufficient literacy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the notion and shall elucidate my views in the following essay.

First
and foremost, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are bombarded
with a plethora of information.
Hence
, although the television acts as a primary source of entertainment for numerous
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
, it does not facilitate in-depth chapters and the stories that assists the child in attaining the relevant data alike theoretical knowledge.
For instance
, a child, who aims to become a doctor, can never qualify the medical entrance exam
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
by watching a TV series and improper theoretical guidance.

Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
children to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
focus
that is
quite unusual in the case of television. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the hearing and watching ability at the same time breaks the juvenile's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
focus
towards the primary topic.
Indeed
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are silent tools that aid to increase their reading power enabling them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
focus
on a specific subject.
For instance
, a survey in the Oxford University, which is one of the top educational institutes, revealed that 78% of the kids
were inclined
towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
to gain knowledge
rather
than TV as they found it to be a peaceful mode of study, and the TV sound acted as an impediment to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
focus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
.

To conclude
, the argument that TV's can
be supplemented
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
certainly
does not hold water. Needless to say,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are an indispensable source of information. They not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
consist of massive amount of data,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
the child to
highly
concentrate.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Children nowadays spend a great deal of time watching television. However, television cannot replace the book as a learning tool, which is why children are less well‐educated today. v. 14

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • Children nowadays spend a great deal of time watching television. However, television cannot replace the book as a learning tool, which is why children are less well‐educated today. To what extent do you agree with this statement? v.14