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The three pies chart below show the changes in annual spending by a particular UK school in 1981 1991 and 2001 Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparions where relevant v.1

The three pies chart below show the changes in annual spending by a particular UK school in 1981 1991 and 2001
It is argued by some, that it is beneficial to meet new people through internet networks, whilst others disagree and believe that personal contact is the righteous method to make new friends. In my opinion, I believe that social events and personal interactions are essential to start relationships. To begin with, it is undeniable that starting and maintaining connections these days is getting harder, where people are starting to use online networks in order to substitute social events in initiating friendship. In other words, relationships are essential in an individual life, however, due to the busy schedule people tend surf the web searching for new personal thinking its easier and less time consuming. For instance, a recent study showed that the percentage rate of people engaging in online dating websites is on a rise each year. Nevertheless, some people are more conservative regarding online relationships where they believe that personal interaction is vital to start any sort of connection. To put it differently, talking to someone through a screen does not show the real person's emotions, where they can easily pretend to be a different person for a purpose to satisfy the other. For example, it is easier for an individual to hide their negative characteristics online, but in face-to-face encounters it is harder not to show the true personality of someone. Finally, I personally think it is safer and more guaranteed to meet people through mutual friends and social events, where I am convinced that the internet should be used for only both maintaining and keeping in touch with friends. In conclusion, building relationships in life is essential, therefore, people should make sure they attain the time to have a human connection with some in order to start a new friendship rather than engaging in online communication.
It
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
, that it is beneficial to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
through internet networks, whilst others disagree and believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
contact is the righteous method to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
friends. In my opinion, I believe that social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
interactions are essential to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
relationships.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is undeniable that starting and maintaining connections these days is getting harder, where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are starting to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
networks in order to substitute social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
in initiating friendship.
In other words
, relationships are essential in an individual life,
however
, due to the busy schedule
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend surf the web searching for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
thinking its easier and less
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
time consuming
.
For instance
, a recent study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that the percentage rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
engaging in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
dating websites is on a rise each year.

Nevertheless
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more conservative regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
relationships where they believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
interaction is vital to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
any sort of connection. To put it
differently
, talking to someone through a screen does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the real person's emotions, where they can
easily
pretend to be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
person for a purpose to satisfy the other.
For example
, it is easier for an individual to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hide
their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
characteristics
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in face-to-face encounters it is harder not to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the true personality of someone.

Finally
, I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is safer and more guaranteed to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
through mutual friends and social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, where I
am convinced
that the internet should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
both maintaining and keeping in touch with friends.

In conclusion
, building relationships in life is essential,
therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure they attain the time to have a human connection with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
friendship
rather
than engaging in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
communication.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The three pies chart below show the changes in annual spending by a particular UK school in 1981 1991 and 2001

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
298 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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