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The threat of nuclear weapons maintains world peace. Nuclear energy provides cheap and clean energy. The benefits of nuclear technology far outweigh the disadvantages. Do you agree or disagree? v.10

The threat of nuclear weapons maintains world peace. Nuclear energy provides cheap and clean energy. The benefits of nuclear technology far outweigh the disadvantages. v. 10
Gathering personal details while applying job are obvious and it's happening in many years. This argument always there in the public minds that whether it provides positive or negative impact to their life. In this essay, I am discussing both the aspects and I will give my opinion which would be better. To begin positive points, asking employer personal information and recording always give an effective interaction between worker and manager. For example, one of my nephews, recently joined in multinational software company as a software engineer. During the interview, he asked for his interests such as hobbies and sports activities. Inside the company annual sports day, he asked to play a role as captain & he enjoyed. I believe it happened because of the employer know about his interest. Also, it helps while segregating the workload. My personal experience also agrees with this aspect because I have a 1 year old baby, my boss always considers this and not allow me to work at late evening & he granted permission for me to spend my time with my families. On the other hand, sometimes these personal information perhaps misused by someone. My friend had bad experiences with her owner. She mentioned about her father loss at the interview. Senior officer took advantage and misbehaved with her. A certain time worker may spend their time undesirably if they know about their interests or hobbies. By comparing both the aspects, to my personal opinion, though few negative things happened. But most of the circumstance, it supports employer quality life. So my strong conclusion is providing their personal information to the company always relevant & helpful.
Gathering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
while applying job are obvious and it's happening in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years. This argument always there in the public minds that whether it provides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact to their life. In this essay, I am discussing both the aspects and I will give my opinion which would be better.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
points, asking employer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
information and recording always give an effective interaction between worker and manager.
For example
, one of my nephews, recently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
in multinational software
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
as a software engineer. During the interview, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
asked for
his interests such as hobbies and sports activities. Inside the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
annual sports day, he asked to play a role as captain & he enjoyed. I believe it happened
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the employer know about his interest.

Also
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
while segregating the workload. My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
experience
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with this aspect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I have a 1 year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
baby, my boss always considers this and not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
me to work at late evening & he granted permission for me to spend my time with my families.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
information perhaps misused by someone. My friend had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
experiences with her owner. She
Did you mean simply "mentioned her"? You do not need the word "about" here.
mentioned about her
father loss at the interview. Senior officer took advantage and misbehaved with her. A certain time worker may spend their time
undesirably
if they know about their interests or hobbies.

By comparing both the aspects, to my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
opinion, though few
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
things happened.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
most of the circumstance, it supports employer quality life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
my strong conclusion is providing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
information to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
always relevant & helpful.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The threat of nuclear weapons maintains world peace. Nuclear energy provides cheap and clean energy. The benefits of nuclear technology far outweigh the disadvantages. v. 10

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
274 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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