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the tendency of humans beings to copy one another is shown in the popularity of fashion clothes and consumer goods. to what extent do you agree? v.2

the tendency of humans beings to copy one another is shown in the popularity of fashion clothes and consumer goods. v. 2
Human’s desire to imitate each other has been observed in many areas since the beginning of their journey on earth. Some people believe fashion is among those areas, and popularity of fashion clothes and consumer goods is owing to the tendency of human beings to copy each other. On the other hand, some believe the desire to wear fashion clothes is due to human’s tendency toward captivating stuff and to look nice. I stand with the first group due to several reasons which will be discussed in the following. To begin with, one of the strong instincts of humans is to be successful. Putting foot on a successful model’s footsteps is the main approach one will take in the path toward victory. Firstly, fashion icon people and models are considered successful by the majority of society inasmuch as rumors around them such as wealth, good physics and etc. Secondly, social medias and the movie industry dictates the values and merits of being a whizz-kid, and as it happens the heroes and alpha people introduced by them are up to the fashion and good looking. Consequently, the first and obvious model one finds to follow are models who always wear fashion clothes, therefore does he as well. Moreover, another major aspect of people’s character if being ostentatious. One becomes slave to the fashion so that not only does he show that he affords to buy expensive new introduced clothes, but he imitates after models introduced by medias. Granted what was said, it must be taken into account that some people do not have any other choice but to wear fashionable. For instance, in the marriage ceremony, people wish to look nice and tidy, and as it happens the only way will be to dress up if one wishes to do so. To sum up, even though sometimes people are obligated to buy fashion clothes such as a tuxedo, the main reason behind the popularity of fashion dresses is the tendency of humans to copy successful people. These characters are introduced by networks and medias, and they usually choose latest designs and clothes.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Human’s
desire to imitate each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
has
been observed
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
areas since the beginning of their journey on earth.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
is among those areas, and popularity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
and consumer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
is owing to the tendency of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings to copy each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe the desire to wear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
is due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human’s
tendency toward captivating stuff and to look nice. I stand with the
first
group due to several reasons which will
be discussed
in the following.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, one of the strong instincts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
is to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
. Putting foot on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
model’s
footsteps is the main approach one will take in the path toward victory.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
icon
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
models
are considered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
by the majority of society inasmuch as rumors around them such as wealth,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
physics
Write the name of the item after 'and' or use only "etc".
and etc
.
Secondly
, social medias and the movie industry dictates the values and merits of being a
Possible spelling mistake found.
whizz-kid
, and as it happens the heroes and alpha
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
introduced by them are up to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
good looking
.
Consequently
, the
first
and obvious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
model
one finds to follow are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
models
who always wear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
,
therefore
does he
as well
.

Moreover
, another major aspect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
character if being ostentatious. One becomes slave to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
does he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that he affords to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
expensive new introduced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he imitates after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
models
introduced by medias.

Granted what
was said
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be taken
into account that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
choice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to wear fashionable.
For instance
, in the marriage ceremony,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
wish to look nice and tidy, and as it happens the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way will be to dress up if one wishes to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.

To sum up,
even though
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are obligated
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
such as a tuxedo, the main reason behind the popularity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
dresses is the tendency of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
to copy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. These characters
are introduced
by networks and medias, and they
usually
choose
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
designs and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
41Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay the tendency of humans beings to copy one another is shown in the popularity of fashion clothes and consumer goods. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
351 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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