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The technology development has affected social relationships from person to person. Do the positive aspects of this trend outweigh the negative aspects? v.1

The technology development has affected social relationships from person to person. Do the positive aspects of this trend outweigh the negative aspects? v. 1
It’s becoming an increasing trend for people to consume ready-made meals rather than home cooked food. I believe that the demerits of this outweigh the merits, which include easy access to food and reduced stress of cooking. Admittedly, there are numerous pros associated with getting readily-prepared foods, which include; reduced stress of having to make meals after a hectic and strenuous workday. This is due to the fact that, humans by nature spend too much of gruesome hours working and making a living for themselves, therefore, are left with less time for other chores of life. For instance, an average Lagos-based adult spends up to five hours of the day in traffic, in addition to the statutory eight hours of work. This leaves not enough time for cooking and leads to them grabbing any available fast food. Nevertheless, while there are perks to getting fast meals, the effects from this, are quite injurious and negatively impart the health of individuals. For example, studies conducted by the World Health Organization clearly indicated the relationship between consumption of fast foods and high rate cardiovascular diseases. Independent studies have also linked high rate of obesity in adults to increased consumption of fatty meals, mostly ready-made foods. Hence, the positive effects of consuming home and freshly prepared cuisines can never be overemphasized, as their benefits transcend the impeccable taste derived from them and the satisfaction of making your own food. In conclusion, while there are many advantages to eating fast meals, the disadvantages, which include, increased cardiovascular diseases and obesity associated with the high fat content obviously outweigh their merits.
It’s becoming an increasing trend for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to consume ready-made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
rather
than home cooked
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. I believe that the demerits of this outweigh the merits, which include easy access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
of cooking.

Admittedly
, there are numerous pros associated with getting
readily
-prepared
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
, which include;
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
of having to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
after a hectic and strenuous workday.
This is due to the fact that
, humans by nature spend too much of gruesome hours working and making a living for themselves,
therefore
, are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
with less time for other chores of life.
For instance
, an average Lagos-based adult spends up to five hours of the day in traffic,
in addition
to the statutory eight hours of work. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time for cooking and leads to them grabbing any available
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
food.

Nevertheless
, while there are perks to getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
, the effects from this, are quite injurious and
negatively
impart the health of individuals.
For example
, studies conducted by the World Health Organization
clearly
indicated the relationship between consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
and high rate cardiovascular diseases. Independent studies have
also
linked high rate of obesity in adults to increased consumption of fatty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
,
mostly
ready-made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
.
Hence
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects of consuming home and
freshly
prepared cuisines can never
be overemphasized
, as their benefits transcend the impeccable taste derived from them and the satisfaction of making your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
food.

In conclusion
, while there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages to eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
, the disadvantages, which include, increased cardiovascular diseases and obesity associated with the high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
content
obviously
outweigh their merits.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The technology development has affected social relationships from person to person. Do the positive aspects of this trend outweigh the negative aspects? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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