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The tables give information about the average hour s work by part time and full time men and women in three countries in Europe in 2002 and compare them with the European countries v.1

The tables give information about the average hour s work by part time and full time men and women in three countries in Europe in 2002 and compare them with the European countries v. 1
The idea of children doing paid work is debatable. While a good number of people are of the opinion that it is advantageous to children, other people have a contrary view. Children can benefit greatly from carrying out paid work; however, there are also some disadvantages to be considered. First of all, one of the important benefits of paid work for children is that it helps them to appreciate the value of money. As a result, they understand that money does not come cheap but through hard work. Secondly, doing a paid job also helps a child learn how to manage resources properly, as a result, they are able to save their money for important projects in the future. For instance, such children can save enough funds to support their parents in paying their tuition fees. Again, when children have the opportunity to work, they learn new skills and are exposed to various work experiences which will be useful to them later in life. For instance, working children will enjoy the benefit of learning good teamwork skills, ability to multitask, ability to work with less supervision and other work related experiences. These skills will help children develop and get them an edge over their peers when they are ready for the job market. On the other hand, there are some problems that could arise when young ones engage in paid work. One of these is that such children tend to lose focus and divert all their attention to the job rather than concentrate on doing well in their studies. This may ultimately lead to poor performance and increase in failure rate in schools. Another downside of children in the workforce is that it potentially leads to child abuse. For example, a child may be forced to take up specific jobs or responsibilities which are beyond their physical strength. This could have a devastating effect on their health. Finally, children who engage in paid work lack the opportunity to engage in extracurricular activities such as sports, music, debates and other organized group activities where children are supposed to learn and develop wholesomely. In conclusion, the advantages of having children do work for money are tremendous as outlined above, to mention a few; however, one cannot also underestimate the likely negative consequences of paid work on children.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is debatable. While a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are of the opinion that it is advantageous to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have a contrary view.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
can benefit
greatly
from carrying out
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
;
however
, there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages to
be considered
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to appreciate the value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
As a result
, they understand that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
through
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Secondly
, doing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
a child learn how to manage resources
properly
,
as a result
, they are able to save their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
projects in the future.
For instance
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
funds to support their parents in paying their tuition fees. Again, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have the opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, they learn new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
are exposed
to various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
experiences which will be useful to them later in life.
For instance
, working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will enjoy the benefit of learning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
teamwork
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, ability to multitask, ability to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with less supervision and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
related experiences. These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
develop and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
them an edge over their peers when they are ready for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
market.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems that could arise when young ones engage in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. One of these is that such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
tend to lose focus and divert all their attention to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
rather
than concentrate on doing well in their studies. This may
ultimately
lead to poor performance and increase in failure rate in schools. Another downside of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the workforce is that it
potentially
leads to child abuse.
For example
, a child may
be forced
to take up specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
or responsibilities which are beyond their physical strength. This could have a devastating effect on their health.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who engage in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
lack the opportunity to engage in extracurricular activities such as sports, music, debates and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
organized group activities where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are supposed
to learn and develop
wholesomely
.

In conclusion
, the advantages of having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
are tremendous as outlined above, to mention a few;
however
, one cannot
also
underestimate the likely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The tables give information about the average hour s work by part time and full time men and women in three countries in Europe in 2002 and compare them with the European countries v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
385 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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