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The table shows the maximum, minimum, and average monthly salaries in a European country in five employment sector in 2009, v.1

The table shows the maximum, minimum, and average monthly salaries in a European country in five employment sector in 2009, v. 1
Many countries in the world rely on motorways for speedy and efficient transportation, as they are a very convenient way of travelling long distances. However, motorways also have negative aspects such as dangerous traffic, damage to the environment and pollution. In this essay, I will look at some of the problems of motorways and how they can be overcome. One major problem of motorways is that they can be dangerous. In many countries, the speed limit on motorways is very high. This means that any accidents are more likely to be serious and involve many vehicles. Sometimes in bad weather, several vehicles crash into each other and many people are killed or injured. This problem could be solved in a number of ways. People could have special lessons on how to drive safely on motorways. In addition, special signs could be displayed when driving conditions are bad to make people drive more slowly and safely. Alternatively, the general speed limit could be reduced slightly. Secondly, motorways can spoil the environment. Motorways often go through beautiful areas and may damage plants and wildlife. This problem could be avoided by building motorways through less beautiful areas or putting some sections in tunnels. In addition, the large amount of traffic on motorways produces both air pollution and noise pollution. However, governments could help to reduce air pollution by making environmentally-friendly cars cheaper. Noise pollution could be reduced by changing motorway surfaces or by putting up sound-proof fences. Despite the problems of motorways, they are necessary and useful. With careful preparation and planning, the problems they cause could be reduced. People today are also more aware of environmental issues and as a result cars and road transport in general are becoming more environmentally friendly.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
countries in the world rely on motorways for speedy and efficient transportation, as they are a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
convenient way of travelling long distances.
However
, motorways
also
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects such as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
traffic, damage to the environment and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
. In this essay, I will look at
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
of motorways and how they can
be overcome
.

One major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of motorways is that they can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries, the speed limit on motorways is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high. This means that any accidents are more likely to be serious and involve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
vehicles.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
weather, several vehicles crash into each other and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are killed
or injured. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
could
be solved
in a number of ways.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
could have special lessons on how to drive
safely
on motorways.
In addition
, special signs could
be displayed
when driving conditions are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
drive more
slowly
and
safely
.
Alternatively
, the general speed limit could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
slightly
.

Secondly
, motorways can spoil the environment. Motorways
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
go through
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
areas and may damage plants and wildlife. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
could
be avoided
by building motorways through less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
areas or putting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sections in tunnels.
In addition
, the large amount of traffic on motorways produces both air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
and noise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
by making
environmentally
-friendly cars cheaper. Noise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
by changing motorway surfaces or by putting up sound-proof fences.

Despite the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
of motorways, they are necessary and useful. With careful preparation and planning, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
they cause could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are
also
more aware of environmental issues and
as a result
cars and road transport
in general
are becoming more
environmentally
friendly.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay The table shows the maximum, minimum, and average monthly salaries in a European country in five employment sector in 2009, v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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