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All over the world people watch foreign film much than locally produced films Why Should the government provide financial support to local film industries v.1

All over the world people watch foreign film much than locally produced films Why Should the government provide financial support to local film industries v. 1
Since from the evolution of human beings there is a massive migration from rural areas to cities which we call it as "Urbanisation". There are so many factors triggering the urbanisation. The most important thing is betterment of the individuals and their associated families. In cities, there are superior opportunities, effective health care and good educational institutions. As per the data provided by the United States Department of Health, inhabitants in cities are receiving better medical facilities than their counterparts. People from remote areas will get better financial security by doing jobs which aren't easily located in the villages. Also, there are many amusement parks, movie theatres and shows available in cities which are entertaining the people. What makes urban areas stand out is their diverse culture. Diversity makes people become closer, understanding and respecting other's culture. This is not the case with rural areas where there is a strong culture and traditions with seldom diversity. There are even downsides of the urbanisation as well. Huge migration to cities beyond the permissible limit invokes so many problems like pollution, water crisis, over population, steep increase of prices and so on. For instance, take the recent water crisis of "Cape Town" in "South Africa" generate havoc because of over population and improper management of water. So the government should take the precautionary measures to avert the migration by creating jobs in rural areas, providing better health care and establishing colleges and universities. Also by encouraging investors to promote jobs in rural areas will turn the fate of the village people's lives. The conclusion is urbanisation is beneficial if it's in the checkpoint. By taking all the measures mentioned above will make the country a better place to live and thrive. Villages are the backbone of the nation and the condition of the rural areas show the world how developed the nation is.
Since from the evolution of human beings there is a massive migration from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
which we call it as
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Possible spelling mistake. 'Urbanisation' is British English.
Urbanisation
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors triggering the
Possible spelling mistake. 'urbanisation' is British English.
urbanisation
. The most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing is betterment of the individuals and their associated families.

In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, there are superior opportunities, effective health care and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
educational institutions. As per the data provided by the United States Department of Health, inhabitants in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are receiving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
medical facilities than their counterparts.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
from remote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
financial security by doing jobs which aren't
easily
located in the villages.
Also
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
amusement parks, movie
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
available in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
which are entertaining the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. What
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
stand out is their diverse culture. Diversity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
become closer, understanding and respecting other's culture. This is not the case with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
where there is a strong culture and traditions with seldom diversity.

There are even downsides of the
Possible spelling mistake. 'urbanisation' is British English.
urbanisation
as well
. Huge migration to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
beyond the permissible limit invokes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems like pollution, water crisis, over population, steep increase of prices and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
For instance
, take the recent water crisis of
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Cape Town
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
in
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
South Africa
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
generate havoc
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of over population and improper management of water.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take the precautionary measures to avert the migration by creating jobs in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
, providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
health care and establishing colleges and universities.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
by encouraging investors to promote jobs in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
will turn the fate of the village
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

The conclusion is
Possible spelling mistake. 'urbanisation' is British English.
urbanisation
is beneficial if it's in the checkpoint. By taking all the measures mentioned above will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the country a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
and thrive. Villages are the backbone of the nation and the condition of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the world how developed the nation is.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay All over the world people watch foreign film much than locally produced films Why Should the government provide financial support to local film industries v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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