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How has the availability of the worldwide Internet changed people’s life? Please use specific reasons and examples to support your response. v.1

How has the availability of the worldwide Internet changed people’s life? Please use specific reasons and examples to support your response. v. 1
In the 21st century our lives are fast paced and our necessities have gone way above the basic needs of food, shelter, clothes, etc. In order to fulfil our needs and desires, everyone has to work harder compared to the previous century. Currently in many parts of the world women have full time jobs. As a result, their counterparts try to equally share their household chores and other responsibilities. I totally agree with this and in this essay I will highlight some key points to support my opinion. The previous century was male dominated, due to these women were mostly responsible for household tasks. As time changed, women are now required to work full time, to support the needs of her family. However the household chores still remain the same and somebody still has to complete those tasks. It’s definitely not possible for one person to do everything, so it's quite logical to divide the work equally among other members of the house. For example, if wife cooks dinner, then her husband can help her with the dishes and cleaning the kitchen. This way they can complete all the tasks more effectively and still have some quality time for themselves. One more point I would like to highlight here is the equality between men and women. Both men and women are equal, so if they are equally sharing the responsibilities of earning and supporting their family. It’s imperative that their household responsibilities should also be shared. To illustrate, if a man helps her wife with the laundry, then by no means he becomes less masculine. In fact, by helping her out he is proving to be a better and more supportive life partner. In conclusion, like other tasks of the outside work, the household responsibilities should also be shared equally among men and women. As I discussed above, with changing times women were burdened with more responsibilities of the outside world. And as both men and women are equal, I totally agree that men should evenly help with the household tasks.
In the 21st century our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
paced and our necessities have gone way above the basic needs of food, shelter, clothes, etc. In order to fulfil our needs and desires, everyone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
harder compared to the previous century.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Currently
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parts of the world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have full
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
jobs.
As a result
, their counterparts try to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equally
share their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
chores and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this and in this essay I will highlight
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
key points to support my opinion.

The previous century was male dominated, due to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
were
mostly
responsible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
required to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
full
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, to support the needs of her family.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
chores
still
remain the same and somebody
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
complete those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
. It’s definitely not possible for one person to do everything,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it's quite logical to divide the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equally
among other members of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
.
For example
, if wife cooks dinner, then her husband can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
her with the dishes and cleaning the kitchen. This way they can complete all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
more
effectively
and
still
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for themselves.

One more point I would like to highlight here is the equality between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. Both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are equal,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
if they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equally
sharing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
of earning and supporting their family. It’s imperative that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
should
also
be shared
. To illustrate, if a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
her wife with the laundry, then by no means he becomes less masculine. In fact, by helping her out he is proving to be a better and more supportive life partner.

In conclusion
, like other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
of the outside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
should
also
be shared
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equally
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. As I discussed above, with changing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
were burdened
with more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
of the outside world. And as both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are equal, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
should
evenly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay How has the availability of the worldwide Internet changed people’s life? Please use specific reasons and examples to support your response. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
341 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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