Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

The table below shows the percentages of people joining in seven different sports in a European country from 1999 to 2009. v.1

The table below shows the percentages of people joining in seven different sports in a European country from 1999 to 2009. v. 1
In recent decades, countries have high technological intelligence, even so they also still have traditional ones such as wood carving, Leatherwork. Some people think that non-technological ones could vanish. In this essay, I will either agree or disagree with this statement. Firstly, I will discuss the benefits of making money and being fast thanks to machinery skills and secondly, I will explore the positives of the social aspects of creating objects in a classic production. To begin with, in my opinion, one of the great advantages of growing electronics is the economic benefits that it can bring. For example, new production factories support a variety of job facilities. New professions become popular. Also, it creates additional education services to learning know-how for these industries. Thanks to all the activities, people have made more money. Furthermore, It is also true that now, firms are faster than old-school production time. They reach the output stage quickly with high-tech machines and robots. Specifically to this, employees are better knowledgeable about trends and they can catch world standards. Following, I do feel that a person who does manufacturing by old ways has more inner happiness and passion. For instance, It's way gives a chance to produce in a small room in her/his own neighbourhood with familiar people that give serenity working conditions rather than complex, crowded and huge manufacture places. Moreover, traditional skills could transfer from grandfather/grandmother to grandchild that makes them feel unity and togetherness. In conclusion, the benefits of technology are being faster, earning more money, gaining time and catching the Earth. In addition, the advantages of traditional are family love, closeness, and solidarity. Therefore, I believe that these two have many benefits we cannot vanish one of them because of the trends. We need to know that they are different from each other.
In recent decades, countries have high technological intelligence, even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
also
still
have traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
such as wood carving,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Leatherwork
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that non-technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
could vanish. In this essay, I will either
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
or disagree with this statement.
Firstly
, I will discuss the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
of making money and being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
thanks to machinery
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
secondly
, I will explore the positives of the social aspects of creating objects in a classic production.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, in my opinion, one of the great advantages of growing electronics is the economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
that it can bring.
For example
, new production factories support a variety of job facilities. New professions become popular.
Also
, it creates additional education services to learning know-how for these industries. Thanks to all the activities,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have made more money.
Furthermore
, It is
also
true that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, firms are faster than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-school production time. They reach the output stage
quickly
with high-tech machines and robots.
Specifically
to this, employees are better knowledgeable about
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
trends and
they can catch world standards.

Following, I do feel that a person who does manufacturing by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
ways has more inner happiness and passion.
For instance
, It's way gives a chance to produce in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
room in her/his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
with familiar
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that give serenity working conditions
rather
than complex, crowded and huge manufacture places.
Moreover
, traditional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
could transfer from grandfather/grandmother to grandchild that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them feel unity and togetherness.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
of technology are being faster, earning more money, gaining time and catching the Earth.
In addition
, the advantages of traditional are family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
, closeness, and solidarity.
Therefore
, I believe that these two have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
we cannot vanish one of them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the trends. We need to know that they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from each other.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The table below shows the percentages of people joining in seven different sports in a European country from 1999 to 2009. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts