Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

The table shows the results of survey in a European country which was carried out in three different years. It shows the percentages of people who said that they are interested in certain sports. v.1

The table shows the results of survey in a European country which was carried out in three different years. It shows the percentages of people who said that they are interested in certain sports. v. 1
Many countries are putting limitations on the employment age. Hiring below 18 years is considered as illegal. I strongly agree with the statement. Children are becoming money-minded these days. They want to earn in phone number digits, but they are unaware of the fact that doing a full-time job will only provide them short term benefits like buying an expensive car, clothing, shoes, and foreign trips. In the long term, they will only gain menial jobs with minimum education. Thus, proper education should be the primary focus at such a young age for a financially store future. Furthermore, permanent employment can lead to a social breakdown of the youngsters. For instance, if a 16-year-old opt for a job instead of school, then it often leads to isolation. At that age, we have lots of emotional, physical, and mental experiences with our friends, family, and teachers who make lifetime memories. Children abolished from these memories may face depression and can fall for drugs or alcohol. As far as the country's growth is concerned, it will suffer from a serious economic crisis. Children are the future of the nation. They are the upcoming doctors and engineers, and uneducated children can be a burden on the country. For instance, India is the 3rd largest country in producing the engineers. When the children will divert their mind from studying then after many years the situation can arise where the local companies will outsource the work to the engineers in other countries. This will have negative effect on the growth and reputation of the nation. To conclude, governments should not allow children to do full-time jobs for their brighter future. It will also help the country in building an economically and socially strong society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are putting limitations on the employment age. Hiring below 18 years
is considered
as illegal. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement.

Children are becoming money-minded these days. They want to earn in phone number digits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are unaware of the fact that doing a full-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
provide them short term benefits like buying an expensive car, clothing, shoes, and foreign trips. In the long term, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
gain menial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
with minimum education.
Thus
, proper education should be the primary focus at such a young age for a
financially
store future.

Furthermore
, permanent employment can lead to a social breakdown of the youngsters.
For instance
, if a 16-year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
opt for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
instead
of school, then it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
leads to isolation. At that age, we have lots of emotional, physical, and mental experiences with our friends, family, and teachers who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
lifetime memories.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
abolished from these memories may face depression and can fall for drugs or alcohol.

As far as the country's growth
is concerned
, it will suffer from a serious economic crisis.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are the future of the nation. They are the upcoming doctors and engineers, and uneducated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can be a burden on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
For instance
, India is the 3rd largest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in producing the engineers. When the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will divert their mind from studying then after
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years the situation can arise where the local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
will outsource the work to the engineers in other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. This will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on the growth and reputation of the nation.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to do full-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
for their brighter future. It will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in building an
economically
and
socially
strong society.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The table shows the results of survey in a European country which was carried out in three different years. It shows the percentages of people who said that they are interested in certain sports. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
289 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts