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New parents should attend parenting courses to ensure the growth of their children. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

New parents should attend parenting courses to ensure the growth of their children. v. 1
With greater economic development and better standard of living, there has been a huge increase in owning cars in comparison to earlier times, which has resulted in a mass traffic congestion around the world. I believe in the statement and would like to suggest some measures, which can be implemented by the government to solve this problem. Firstly, economic growth in most developed countries has resulted in greater wealth creation for their citizens. As there are better job opportunities created by the private sector with higher wages, car ownership has peaked and it can be said that a family of 4 consists of at least 3 cars if not more. For example, higher number of adults leads to more cars, as it is necessary for every day commuting to their work places. Having their own vehicles is preferred as it is more convenient and efficient than travelling by public transport. However, it wasn't this way three decades ago, as population numbers were small and working class people preferred public transit as it was more economical. These days, with the power of money, more cars are on the roads and has also become a necessity. The increase of motor traffic is causing traffic delays, heavy traffic congestion and high pollution levels. This outcome has led to many medical problems such as high rates of asthma conditions and breathing problems. Another negative impact is the increase in traffic accidents, which is one of the major causes of losing precious lives on the road. It needs to be addressed with the help of some fruitful governmental initiatives, such as improving public transport or creating alternative transport systems like metro services along with underground subway systems. Additionally, the price of travelling needs to be reduced and their timetables need to be maintained. In addition, the authorities can encourage private car pooling by giving out some tax incentives. The state should make school establishments run school buses and discourage parents dropping their kids with their personal cars. To sum-up, ministry intervention can bring about a positive change by implementing the above mentioned measures.
With greater economic development and better standard of living, there has been a huge increase in owning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
in comparison
to earlier times, which has resulted in a mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
congestion around the world. I believe in the statement and would like to suggest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures, which can
be implemented
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to solve this problem.

Firstly
, economic growth in most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
has resulted in greater wealth creation for their citizens. As there are better job opportunities created by the private sector with higher wages,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
ownership has peaked and it can
be said
that a family of 4 consists of at least 3
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
if not more.
For example
, higher number of adults leads to more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
, as it is necessary
Did you mean "for everyday"?
for every day
commuting to their work places. Having their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
vehicles
is preferred
as it is more convenient and efficient than travelling by public transport.
However
, it wasn't this way three decades ago, as population numbers were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
and working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
preferred public transit as it was more economical.

These days, with the power of money, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
are on the roads and has
also
become a necessity. The increase of motor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
is causing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
delays, heavy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
congestion and high pollution levels. This outcome has led to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
medical problems such as high rates of asthma conditions and breathing problems.

Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact is the increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
accidents, which is one of the major causes of losing precious
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
on the road. It needs to
be addressed
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fruitful governmental initiatives, such as improving public transport or creating alternative transport systems like metro services along with underground subway systems.
Additionally
, the price of travelling needs to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
and their timetables need to
be maintained
.
In addition
, the authorities can encourage private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
pooling by giving out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
tax incentives. The state should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
school establishments run school buses and discourage parents dropping their kids with their personal cars.

To sum-up, ministry intervention can bring about a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
by implementing the above mentioned measures.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay New parents should attend parenting courses to ensure the growth of their children. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
348 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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