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The table below shows the numbers of people in each age group working in certain sectors in the UK in 1998 and 2006 Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant v.1

The table below shows the numbers of people in each age group working in certain sectors in the UK in 1998 and 2006
In many nations, both developed and developing countries, a small percentage of the population earn an extremely large amount of money. While some people believe that a very high salary is a benefit for the community, others suggest a limit should be set by the government. In the following essay, I will consider both sides of this issue and finally give my opinion. Those in favour of keeping high salary argue that high earning generate employment. For instance, luxury hotel and luxury goods could not survive in a world with extremely high salary are forbidden and these hotels and goods create a great deal of employment in the society. Further, the prospect of high pay pushes people to work hard. Without this incentive they may become lazy and unmotivated. However, the opposing view is not without its merits. Much current research indicates that societies in which wealth is fairly equally divided have better health and education in addition to a greater sense of well-being. For example, it has been demonstrated that many cardiovascular accidents in the Unity States of America in 2018 could have been prevented with a better distribution of the economic resources. It can also be argued that people with extraordinary amounts of remuneration may fail to use it wisely, which is a great concern for the society. For these reasons they maintain that government should put a limit on salaries. To conclude, both sides seem to have some sound arguments. However, I am of the opinion that the government should not limit high salaries as doing so would lead to less employment and a lower work ethic.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations, both developed and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
percentage of the population earn an
extremely
large amount of money. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
is a benefit for the community, others suggest a limit should
be set
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. In the following essay, I will consider both sides of this issue and
finally
give my opinion.

Those in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
earning generate employment.
For instance
, luxury hotel and luxury
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
could not survive in a world with
extremely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
are forbidden
and these hotels and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
create a great deal of employment in the society.
Further
, the prospect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
pay pushes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
. Without this incentive they may become lazy and unmotivated.

However
, the opposing view is not without its merits. Much
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
research indicates that societies in which wealth is
fairly
equally
divided have better health and education
in addition
to a greater sense of well-being.
For example
, it has
been demonstrated
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cardiovascular accidents in the Unity States of America in 2018 could have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
with a better distribution of the economic resources. It can
also
be argued
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with extraordinary amounts of remuneration may fail to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it
wisely
, which is a great concern for the society. For these reasons they maintain that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should put a limit on salaries.

To conclude
, both sides seem to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sound arguments.
However
, I am of the opinion that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should not limit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
as doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
would lead to less employment and a lower work ethic.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay The table below shows the numbers of people in each age group working in certain sectors in the UK in 1998 and 2006

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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