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The table below shows the number of students living in the UK gaining English language teacher training qualifications in 2007/8 and 2008/9, and the proportion of male qualifiers. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and v.1

The table below shows the number of students living in the UK gaining English language teacher training qualifications in 2007/8 and 2008/9, and the proportion of male qualifiers.
In these days the free movement of products over national level has become a debatable issue. Some people think that it is an indispensable part of economic development, whereas the remaining reckon that local markets are damaged due to this. I will spell out both notions with my own opinions in the upcoming paragraphs. Those who say that the business of moving goods is compulsory for the increasing growth of economic sector because a country can gain a profit. To elaborate it if any nation would sell the things for a profit to another country, then it would develop the economic sector as well as currency could also exchange which can bring the more and more job opportunities. For instance, China manufactures the most of the goods and it sells these things to other nations for profit. In this way this country is more developed rather than others. While others opine that because of free movement of good local business are collapsed. It can be seen that imported products are better in their quality and quantity so that is why people give more preference to it due to the status symbol. As a result, they will not only buy local things, but also it has become the cause of damaging local level industries. To exemplify it there are so many electronic gadgets in India, which import from other countries such as the iPhone which imported from America. For this reason India's individual gives more preference to America's products because of its high quality and India's market goes down. In conclusion, in my opinion, both export and import goods are necessary, but the government should provide financial help to local shopkeepers, so that they also improve their business of manufacturing and sell their products on a national level.
In these days the free movement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
over national level has become a debatable issue.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is an indispensable part of economic development, whereas the remaining reckon that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
markets
are damaged
due to this. I will spell out both notions with my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinions in the upcoming paragraphs.

Those who say that the business of moving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
is compulsory for the increasing growth of economic sector
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
can gain a profit. To elaborate it if any nation would sell the things for a profit to another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, then it would develop the economic sector
as well
as currency could
also
exchange which can bring the more and more job opportunities.
For instance
, China manufactures the most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
and it sells these things to other nations for profit. In this way this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is more developed
rather
than others.

“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
others opine that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of free movement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
business
are collapsed
. It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that imported
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are better in their quality and quantity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that is
why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
give more preference to it due to the status symbol.
As a result
, they will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
things,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it has become the cause of damaging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
level industries. To exemplify it there
Did you mean "is"?
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
electronic gadgets in India, which import from other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
such as the iPhone which imported from America.
For this reason
India's individual gives more preference to America's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its high quality and India's market goes down.

In conclusion
, in my opinion, both export and import
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
are necessary,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should provide financial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
shopkeepers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their business of manufacturing and sell their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
on a national level.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The table below shows the number of students living in the UK gaining English language teacher training qualifications in 2007/8 and 2008/9, and the proportion of male qualifiers.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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