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The chart shows annual office rents in five international cities in 2008 and 2013 ($US/ square metre). The table shows office vacancy rates in those cities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where v.1

The chart shows annual office rents in five international cities in 2008 and 2013 ($US/ square metre). The table shows office vacancy rates in those cities.
It is often argued that music, art and drama are imperative like other academic subjects and should be taught at the primary level. I am in favour of this idea because it will help children to release their stress and it provides overall development of the child. Introducing extra-curricular subjects like music, art and drama is essential as other subjects because it will help children to be stress-free. That is to say, children are often engrossed and burdened by studies, and taking time-off from academics will help them to express and enjoy themselves. This will relax their mind and they will rejuvenate themselves to study even better and secure high grades. For instance, the Government of India has made it mandatory for all the primary level children to participate in music or theatre class as they found the benefits of less stressed children performing better in studies. Another reason why children should be made to study these subjects is that it will help children to grow academically and non-academically. In other words, children will feel confident about themselves when they are not only academically strong but also have sound knowledge about any dance form or an instrument. Thus, they will be happy about themselves which will make them grow as a socially accepted person. To illustrate, many parents opt for International Baccalaureate schools because their curriculum focuses on the overall development of child in sports, academics and extra-curricular activities such that children receive 360 degree of development. In conclusion, introducing subjects in the field of music, drama and theatre is as vital as other course subjects at the junior level as it will be conducive for children to be less stressful and it aids the complete development of the child.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, art and drama are imperative like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
and should
be taught
at the primary level. I am in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to release their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and it provides
overall
development of the child.

Introducing extra-curricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, art and drama is essential as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
-free.
That is
to say,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
engrossed and burdened by studies, and taking time-off from academics will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to express and enjoy themselves. This will relax their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
mind and
they will rejuvenate themselves to study even better and secure high grades.
For instance
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
of India has made it mandatory for all the primary level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
or
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
as they found the benefits of less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
performing better in studies.

Another reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be made
to study these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
is that it will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to grow
academically
and non-
academically
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will feel confident about themselves when they are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
academically
strong
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
have sound knowledge about any dance form or an instrument.
Thus
, they will be happy about themselves which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them grow as a
socially
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
person. To illustrate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parents opt for International Baccalaureate schools
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their curriculum focuses on the
overall
development of child in sports, academics and extra-curricular activities such that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
receive 360 degree of development.

In conclusion
, introducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in the field of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, drama and
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
is as vital as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
course
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
at the junior level as it will be conducive for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be less stressful and it aids the complete development of the child.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The chart shows annual office rents in five international cities in 2008 and 2013 ($US/ square metre). The table shows office vacancy rates in those cities.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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