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The table below gives information on consumer expenditure on different items in five different countries in 2002. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevent. v.1

The table below gives information on consumer expenditure on different items in five different countries in 2002.
The changes in the lifestyles over the years have proved to affect children’s health negatively. There are many aspects that have contributed to this dilemma, among which the unhealthy eating choices and lack of physical activity are the most prominent. I will discuss these factors in the discussion below, while also suggesting the way out to tackle these problems. The growing trend of fast food restaurants and similar local spots has provided people with the comfort food in comparatively less prices than before. Additionally, the busy schedules of the family members regarding their work and household duties have also added to its demand. That is the reason that most of the kids nowadays are getting fat. This obesity also leads to various health issues for these children in later life. The other major contributing factor in this regard is the decrease of sports and other recreational activities for the children. The advancement in technology has handed over android phones and tablets to as young as toddlers, who prefer to watch cartoons and play games than to play any physical game. And as they grow, this inclination becomes part of their life. Thus, unhealthful eating with limited or no bodily activity hampers the normal growth and overall health of the younger generation. To counter this important issue, awareness needs to be created among the parents specifically to put a limit on the junk food for the family. Advertisements by involving motivational speakers and real life examples dealing with the aftermaths of such regular unhealthy food choices should be made part of the different media. In addition to this, sports activities should be made compulsory from the beginner level at schools for every kid. Similarly, the screen time at homes should be reduced to maximum an hour for the day. So that children find other productive activities to spend their leisure times. As according to a recent study by Learning Hub, it has been declared that increased exposure to digital gadgets hamper mental as well as the physical development of the children. So, here parents need to be strictly for the betterment of their kids. To conclude, it is an undeniable fact that easy and affordable availability of fast food has made its way to every home, but it needs to be controlled to an acceptable limit to save children from its detrimental impacts. Additionally, the rise in usage of mobile phones and computers has also reduced the children’s play time. It should be restricted to motivate children to play physical games to stay healthy and not to fall prey of obesity.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the lifestyles over the years have proved to affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
health
negatively
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects that have contributed to this dilemma, among which the unhealthy eating choices and lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
are the most prominent. I will discuss these factors in the discussion below, while
also
suggesting the way out to tackle these problems.

The growing trend of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
restaurants and similar local spots has provided
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with the comfort
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in
comparatively
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun prices is countable.
less
prices than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
Additionally
, the busy schedules of the family members regarding their work and household duties have
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
to its demand.
That is
the reason that most of the kids nowadays are getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
. This obesity
also
leads to various health issues for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in later life. The other major contributing factor in this regard is the decrease of sports and other recreational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. The advancement in technology has handed over android phones and tablets to as young as toddlers, who prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
cartoons and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
games than to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
game. And as they grow, this inclination becomes part of their life.
Thus
, unhealthful eating with limited or no
bodily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
hampers the normal growth and
overall
health of the younger generation.

To counter this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
issue, awareness needs to
be created
among the parents
specifically
to put a limit on the junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
for the family. Advertisements by involving motivational speakers and real life examples dealing with the aftermaths of such regular unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
choices should
be made
part of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
media.
In addition
to this, sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
should
be made
compulsory from the beginner level at schools for every kid.
Similarly
, the screen time at homes should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
to maximum an hour for the day.
“So that” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
So that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
find other productive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
to spend their leisure times. As according to a recent study by Learning Hub, it has
been declared
that increased exposure to digital gadgets hamper mental
as well
as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, here parents need to be
strictly
for the betterment of their kids.

To conclude
, it is an undeniable fact that easy and affordable availability of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
has made its way to every home,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it needs to
be controlled
to an acceptable limit to save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from its detrimental impacts.
Additionally
, the rise in usage of mobile phones and computers has
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
time. It should
be restricted
to motivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
games to stay healthy and not to fall prey of obesity.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The table below gives information on consumer expenditure on different items in five different countries in 2002.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
430 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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