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The table below gives information on average hours and minutes spent by UK males and females on different daily activities v.1

The table below gives information on average hours and minutes spent by UK males and females on different daily activities v. 1
Technological advancement has brought many interesting games. Earlier, most of the computer games were designed to keep children in mind, however, there are many games which can be played by adults also. Many parents think it has a harmful impact, but in my opinion, it has a lot of benefits. A decade ago, digital games were only restricted to entertainment purpose, however, due to improvements in technology, many children are getting educational benefits because these games are more engaging and children can use their own imagination and thinking. To illustrate, if a student is working on to improve his scores in English subject, he can play games like word puzzle, "complete the sentence" and many more. These games will provide an instant feedback on how to improve, unlike in the real life situation. Also, if some youths have difficulty in concentration, video games can be highly beneficial. On the contrary, these games can have a negative impact also because if someone is constantly playing a game, it will have an immense pressure on the eyes and the child will end up wearing spectacles. In addition, if a child is playing a violent game, for example "Call of Duty", it can have a negative result in his brain as he might behave violently. As per the latest news from "The Times", many children have committed suicide because there was a game which gives children some tasks and the last task is to commit suicide. In my perspective, computer games generally have educational benefits provide if it's been played wisely. The misuse of the games can have negative consequences.
Technological advancement has brought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
interesting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. Earlier, most of the computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
were designed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in mind,
however
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
which can
be played
by adults
also
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it has a harmful impact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in my opinion, it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefits.

A decade ago, digital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
restricted to entertainment purpose,
however
, due to improvements in technology,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are getting educational benefits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are more engaging and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
imagination and thinking. To illustrate, if a student is working on to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
his scores in English subject, he can play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
like word puzzle,
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
complete the sentence
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
will provide an instant feedback on how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
, unlike in the real life situation.
Also
, if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
youths have difficulty in concentration, video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can be
highly
beneficial.

On the contrary
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if someone is
constantly
playing a game, it will have an immense pressure on the eyes and the child will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up wearing spectacles.
In addition
, if a child is playing a violent game,
for example
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Call of Duty
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
, it can have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
result in his brain as he might behave
violently
. As per the latest news from
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
The Times
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have committed suicide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there was a game which gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
tasks and the last task is to commit suicide.

In my perspective, computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
generally
have educational benefits provide if it's
been played
wisely
. The misuse of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The table below gives information on average hours and minutes spent by UK males and females on different daily activities v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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