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Some people prefer to plan activities for their free time very carefully. Others choose not to make any plans at all for their free time. Compare the benefits of planning free-time activities with the benefits of not making plans. Which do you prefer — v.1

Some people prefer to plan activities for their free time very carefully. Others choose not to make any plans at all for their free time. Compare the benefits of planning free-time activities with the benefits of not making plans. Which do you prefer — v. 1
Nowadays there is a great debate about school subjects. On one hand, some people advocate that History is the most important subject. On the other hand, others argue that Science and Technology are the crucial learning tools for the XXI century. There are strong arguments for both sides and sometimes even who are specialist cannot reach a definite conclusion. Firstly, it is necessary to emphasise that History is vitally important in order to avert the same mistakes of the past. Had we not studied History, we would have been in a worse situation. For example, the genocide in Rwanda was a dreadful crime against humanity, but the memory of it helped to forestall similar massive killings. Furthermore, having a knowledge of History can contribute to equality in society. Understanding the period of slavery is of the utmost importance of the rights of black people. However, Science and Technology also have their relevance. Advance in Technology made it possible that we could have a more comfortable life. A major part of our hard work is done by machines. In addition to this, a society which has developed a Science at higher levels is more likely to boost economic growth. If a country produces more sophisticated products, it will definitely be richer. Therefore, Science and Technology can also benefit the whole society. In my humble opinion, I believe that History is more important than Science and Technology because it can solve problems that are not only material issues. For instance, a war can be caused by pride and fear, not only by money. Consequently, only History allows us to understand this human aspect.
Nowadays there is a great debate about school subjects. On one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
advocate that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
subject.
On the other hand
, others argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
are the crucial learning tools for the XXI century. There are strong arguments for both sides and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
even who are specialist cannot reach a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
definite
conclusion.

Firstly
, it is necessary to
Possible spelling mistake. 'emphasise' is British English.
emphasise
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
is
vitally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in order to avert the same mistakes of the past. Had we not studied
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
, we would have been in a worse situation.
For example
, the genocide in Rwanda was a dreadful crime against humanity,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the memory of it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
to forestall similar massive killings.
Furthermore
, having a knowledge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
can contribute to equality in society. Understanding the period of slavery is of the utmost importance of the rights of black
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
also
have their relevance. Advance in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
made it possible that we could have a more comfortable life. A major part of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work
is done
by machines.
In addition
to this, a society which has developed a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
at higher levels is more likely to boost economic growth. If a country produces more sophisticated products, it will definitely be richer.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
can
also
benefit the whole society.

In my humble opinion, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can solve problems that are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
material issues.
For instance
, a war can
be caused
by pride and fear, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by money.
Consequently
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
us to understand this human aspect.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people prefer to plan activities for their free time very carefully. Others choose not to make any plans at all for their free time. Compare the benefits of planning free-time activities with the benefits of not making plans. Which do you prefer — v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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