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Ielts task 1, TableThe table below shows the average hours and minutes spent by UK males and females on daily activities v.1

Ielts task 1, TableThe table below shows the average hours and minutes spent by UK males and females on daily activities v. 1
In this world, socialism and being a member of society is precious. Some people say parents play a crucial role being a good social member in children’s life. Few people think that schools take this responsibility and teach students how to be responsible in the society. On the one hand, parents can guide their children by helping poor. For example, parents ask their children to distribute the food they cooked in the home and clothes for the poor kids. Children learn things from their parents, if parents do good things to the society, their children also mimic same things and they will become good members of the community. Thus, parents need to be accountable for their child’s attitude towards the public. On the other hand, schools should teach the students in regards to the humanity. For instance, teachers assign the students to clean the streets in certain area, this will keep students to think about the nation. Teachers must take responsibility on behalf of the schools and include this kind of activities in their school curriculum. If students practice these kind of activities in the school, when they grown-up they will continue to practice similar things in their remaining life. In the conclusion, it is hard to debate who will be most responsible to teach the children about the society. In my opinion, schools should take this as children spent the most daytime in the school.
In this world, socialism and being a member of society is precious.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
play a crucial role being a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
social member in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
life. Few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
take this responsibility and teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
how to be responsible in the society.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can guide their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by helping poor.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
ask their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to distribute the food they cooked in the home and clothes for the poor kids.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
learn things from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
things to the society, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
also
mimic same
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
things and
they will become
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
members of the community.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
need to be accountable for their child’s attitude towards the public.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should teach the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
in regards to
the humanity.
For instance
, teachers assign the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to clean the streets in certain area, this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about the nation. Teachers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take responsibility on behalf of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and include this kind of activities in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
practice
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of activities in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, when they grown-up they will continue to practice similar things in their remaining life.

In the conclusion, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to debate who will be most responsible to teach the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about the society. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should take this as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spent the most daytime in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Ielts task 1, TableThe table below shows the average hours and minutes spent by UK males and females on daily activities v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
236 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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