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The table below gives information about student enrolements at Manchester university in 1937, 1967 and 2017. v.1

The table below gives information about student enrolements at Manchester university in 1937, 1967 and 2017. v. 1
There has been an increasing number of students who are moving for international education. Whereas some people argue that studying abroad has both positive and negative sides. I believe that the advantages will overcome the drawbacks. The main benefit of all study-abroad gives a chance to explore the new culture. They get a chance to have an idea about their food, lifestyle, money etc. For example, the Japanese and Chinese offer the programs only in their own language. This makes them to learn new languages. Furthermore, they come out of their comfort zone that was developed by them in their native places. While this makes them to be more independent. This is truly an amazing experience for those who wants a change in their lifestyle. However, this situation has another side of the argument also. Humans who tend to move away from their birth town, are likely to think about their birth town once in a blue moon. Most of the candidates who move to foreign countries, start to lack humanity. As an illustration, if a neighbour is suffering from serious sickness people in country life Canada, the United States does not bother and walk towards their daily routine. There is no one for helping others pain. Moreover, in those nations everyone is forced to follow Independence. The mindset of people change after all the situations seen over there. This agrees to be the worst part of pursuing distance education. In conclusion, this easy agrees that experience of graduating overseas overcomes all the drawbacks related to it, because people start to come out of their safe place and they look forward for an independent life.
There has been an increasing number of students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are moving for international education. Whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that studying abroad has both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
sides. I believe that the advantages will overcome the drawbacks.

The main benefit of all study-abroad gives a chance to explore the new culture. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to have an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
about their food, lifestyle, money etc.
For example
, the Japanese and Chinese offer the programs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
language. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them to learn new languages.
Furthermore
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out of their comfort zone that
was developed
by them in their native places.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them to be more independent. This is
truly
an amazing experience for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
wants a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in their lifestyle.

However
, this situation has another side of the argument
also
. Humans
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
away from their birth town, are likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about their birth town once in a blue moon. Most of the candidates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to foreign countries,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to lack humanity. As an illustration, if a
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbour' is British English.
neighbour
is suffering from serious sickness
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in country life Canada, the United States does not bother and walk towards their daily routine. There is no one for helping others pain.
Moreover
, in those nations everyone
is forced
to follow Independence. The mindset of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
after all
the situations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
over there. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
to be the worst part of pursuing distance education.

In conclusion
, this easy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
that experience of graduating overseas overcomes all the drawbacks related to it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out of their safe
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
place and
they look forward for an independent life.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The table below gives information about student enrolements at Manchester university in 1937, 1967 and 2017. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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