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The table below given information about students enrolments at Manchester university in 1937 and 1967, 2017. summarize the information selecting main features and relevant and comparisons. v.1

The table below given information about students enrolments at Manchester university in 1937 and 1967, 2017.
In modern society, people prefer living in the city it causes rising the price of a house, that is why people, who are living in the city, choose home with small or no outdoor area. People have different opinions on the effects of this issue. The negative and positive effects will be discussed as well as my personal opinion regarding this issue. On one hand, the smaller houses and flats have positive effects to individuals, such as save money or time. In modern society, people should spend much time at work, so if people have a small house or flat it will make reducing the time for cleaning. The people chose the smaller houses or flats because of their budget. The small houses will help people stay in the city. As seen clearly, the small houses give positive effect to people who are living in the city. One the other hand, although the small size family, such as one-parent family or the nuclear family, increased in modern society, the small houses or flats are not suitable for the families who has the children. For example, the juveniles need their own space, however, the small house may cannot provide that to them. In addition, the houses, which do not have outdoor areas, have the air circumstance problem. It is necessary to children for their immune system, and it gives negative effects to grew up the children. Furthermore, the lack of space causes mental and health problems to the families. In conclusion, in terms of time and money, the houses with small or no outdoor areas can give positive impacts, however, the negative effects are much bigger and serious. I strongly believe that it does more harm than good. People should consider this problem and try find the solution of this issue.
In modern society,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer living in the city it causes rising the price of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
,
that is
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who are living in the city, choose home with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
or no outdoor area.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinions on the effects of this issue. The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
effects will
be discussed
as well
as my personal opinion regarding this issue.

On one hand, the smaller
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
flats
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
effects to individuals, such as save money or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. In modern society,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should spend much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at work,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
flat
it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
reducing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for cleaning. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
chose the smaller
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
flats
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their budget. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
stay in the city. As
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
clearly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are living in the city.

Did you mean "on"?
One
the other hand, although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
size
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, such as one-parent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
or the nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, increased in modern society, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
flats
are not suitable for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
who
Did you mean "have", "haven"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'families' should be used.
has
the children.
For example
, the juveniles need their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
space,
however
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
may cannot provide that to them.
In addition
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
, which do not have outdoor areas, have the air circumstance problem. It is necessary to children for their immune system, and it gives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects to grew up the children.
Furthermore
, the lack of space causes mental and health problems to the families.

In conclusion
, in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and money, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
or no outdoor areas can give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
impacts,
however
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects are much bigger and serious. I
strongly
believe that it does more harm than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
should consider this problem and try find the solution of this issue.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The table below given information about students enrolments at Manchester university in 1937 and 1967, 2017.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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