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the students are discussing woman's summer plans. describe problem she states. which solution will you prefer and why? v.1

the students are discussing woman's summer plans. describe problem she states. which solution will you prefer and why? v. 1
The phenomena of tourism, becoming international, has taken a lot of big advantages to many places. But, in the while, it has impacted not only on local inhabitants, but also on the environment. It is my opinion that in any case advantages can be considered more than the disadvantages, depending on how "intelligent" the tourism is. The main concern about people is pollution. Not only related to the carbon dioxide emissions of planes, but also referred to the behaviour that visitors have when they are in a place they don't call home. Archaeological sites, beaches, forests, seashores, they all have something in common. In each of these places it is possible to find trash like cans, plastic bottles, plastic bags and a lot of other items, dangerous both for the animals and the environment. Therefore, I think that there is a solution, it exists a way to limit disadvantages and maybe transforming them into advantages. For example tourists can choose another vehicle, less polluting than a plane, like the train, or they can organise themselves in groups travelling all together by bus, reducing the fuel consumes. To avoid people throwing away dangerous items in the environment could be useful working on the sensitization of the tourists, making information directly on the site. To sum up, the amount of advantages or disadvantages related to international tourism, depends mainly on the ability of people to understand how their behaviours could change the dynamics of the place they are visiting. It will be enough to pay more attention on small choices to raise everyone benefits.
The phenomena of tourism, becoming international,
You should probably use "have", "haven".
has
taken
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, in the while, it has impacted not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on local inhabitants,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
on the environment. It is my opinion that in any case
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
can
be considered
more than the disadvantages, depending on how
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
intelligent
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
the tourism is.

The main concern about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
pollution. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
related to the carbon dioxide emissions of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
planes
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
referred to the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
that visitors have when they are in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
they don't call home. Archaeological sites, beaches, forests, seashores, they all have something in common. In each of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
it is possible to find trash like cans, plastic bottles, plastic bags and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
other items,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
both for the animals and the environment.

Therefore
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that there is a solution, it exists a way to limit disadvantages and maybe transforming them into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
.
For example
tourists can choose another vehicle, less polluting than a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plane
, like the train, or they can
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
themselves in groups travelling all together by bus, reducing the fuel consumes. To avoid
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
throwing away
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
items in the environment could be useful working on the sensitization of the tourists, making information
directly
on the site.

To sum up, the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
or disadvantages related to international tourism, depends
mainly
on the ability of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to understand how their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the dynamics of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
they are visiting. It will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to pay more attention on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
choices to raise everyone benefits.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay the students are discussing woman's summer plans. describe problem she states. which solution will you prefer and why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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