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#2 The students are discussing the woman’s problem with her summer plans. Describe the problem, then state which of the two solutions you prefer and why. v.1

#2 The students are discussing the woman’s problem with her summer plans. Describe the problem, then state which of the two solutions you prefer and why. v. 1
Now days, Increasing income disparity has become a heated issue. Some people opine that individuals in top positions getting higher wages is beneficial for any organization since it increases motivation to perform and attracts the best global talent. While, others think it has adverse effect of rising inequality and discrimination. In my opinion, individuals holding higher positions have to take great responsibility, make vital decision, and possess their unique ways to generate incredible revenues for the institutions. Therefore, they deserve better compensation for their unparalleled contributions to the company. The Greater salary for top executives certainly plays a commanding role in motivating employees to work harder and achieve goals. Business research has proved that financial incentives are a basic need and greater the salary, the more is the employee driven to achieve organizational goals. Moreover, higher salary also attracts and retains globally scarce top management talent. Organizations such as the public sector undertakings which do not pay globally competitive salary often suffer losses as compared to private enterprises that pay huge pay and bonus. Furthermore, the job of a top official is mostly invisible to the ordinary workers. The job responsibilities of a top executive may range from controlling the quality of production to dealing with the prestigious clients, setting up the marketing strategy for survival in competition, planning for future product development, analysing the consumers’ needs, inventing new products, making future plans, hiring and firing employees, tackling the market inflation and more. Actually, bearing such responsibilities is not an easy task indeed. When an ordinary employee's responsibility ends when the clock ticks to 5, there is no schedule for a top level employee. To conclude, I think hiring top executives with an exceptional compensation is truly justified. They invest their labour, time and skills to improve the company's condition and remain behind the screen. In fact, without top level employee's strategy or effective planning, it is not possible for any company to sustain in the competitive market.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
days, Increasing income disparity has become a heated issue.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opine that individuals in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
top
positions getting higher wages is beneficial for any organization since it increases motivation to perform and attracts the best global talent. While, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it has adverse effect of rising inequality and discrimination. In my opinion, individuals holding higher positions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
vital decision, and possess their unique ways to generate incredible revenues for the institutions.
Therefore
, they deserve better compensation for their unparalleled contributions to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

The Greater
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
top
executives
certainly
plays a commanding role in motivating employees to work harder and achieve goals. Business research has proved that financial incentives are a basic need and greater the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
, the more is the employee driven to achieve organizational goals.
Moreover
, higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
also
attracts and retains globally scarce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
top
management talent. Organizations such as the public sector undertakings which do not pay globally competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
suffer losses as compared to private enterprises that pay huge pay and bonus.

Furthermore
, the job of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
top
official is
mostly
invisible to the ordinary workers. The job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
top
executive may range from controlling the quality of production to dealing with the prestigious clients, setting up the marketing strategy for survival in competition, planning for future product development,
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
the consumers’ needs, inventing new products, making future plans, hiring and firing employees, tackling the market inflation and more. Actually, bearing such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
is not an easy task
indeed
. When an ordinary employee's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
ends when the clock ticks to 5, there is no schedule for a
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
top level
employee.

To conclude
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
hiring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
top
executives with an exceptional compensation is
truly
justified. They invest their
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
, time and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
's condition and remain behind the screen. In fact, without
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
top level
employee's strategy or effective planning, it is not possible for any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
to sustain in the competitive market.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay #2 The students are discussing the woman’s problem with her summer plans. Describe the problem, then state which of the two solutions you prefer and why. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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