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Do you agree or disagree with the statement that female and male university students should have separate residence halls? v.1

that female and male university students should have separate residence halls? v. 1
In today’s busy life, staying in touch with family and friends has become very difficult. Therefore, the existence of social networking sites (such as Facebook) proves to be a bliss in today’s time. However, not everyone likes this idea and it is considered that such networking sites have had a significant negative influence on both people and society. In my opinion, social networking sites are important and useful, provided these are used wisely and responsibly. Two main factors are behind putting social networking sites into bad light. First is, it allows people to look into other individual’s personal life, like photos and videos. In other words, if someone has not set up appropriate restrictions on his or her account, it gives easy access to their account and therefore, anyone can look into the person’s online data. This may lead to several criminal or fraudulent activities such us, robbery, kidnapping, etc. The second factor, linked to the first, is the social pressure under which a person is forced to put his personal information (photos, whereabouts, etc. ), on the social media sites. This means, in order to maintain his social symbol, an individual would try to show off how happy and content his life is by posting pictures, for example, photos of his foreign location, new gifts or presents’, etc. Such desires may sometimes lead to frictions in relationships when an individual starts caring too much for the social status rather than actually focussing on true relations. The whole idea and concept of social networking sites is to connect people around the world, so that distance would not matter anymore. However, as our world is a mix of good and bad intent people, it is important to be careful and watchful. In conclusion, although social networking sites give us a chance to stay closer and connected to our family and friends, they can lead to a huge negative impact on both individuals and society if not used with proper settings or restrictions on the account.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s busy life, staying in touch with family and friends has become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult.
Therefore
, the existence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
(such as Facebook) proves to be a bliss in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s time.
However
, not everyone likes this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and it
is considered
that such networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
have had a significant
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influence on both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and society.

In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and useful, provided these are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
wisely
and
responsibly
.

Two main factors are behind putting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
into
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
light.
First
is, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to look into other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual’s
personal life, like photos and videos.
In other words
, if someone has not set up appropriate restrictions on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
account, it gives easy access to their account and
therefore
, anyone can look into the person’s online data. This may lead to several criminal or fraudulent activities such us, robbery, kidnapping, etc. The second factor, linked to the
first
, is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
pressure under which a person
is forced
to put his personal information (photos, whereabouts, etc.
Don't put a space before the closing parenthesis
)
, on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
. This means, in order to maintain his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
symbol, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
would try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
off how happy and content his life is by posting pictures,
for example
, photos of his foreign location, new gifts or presents’, etc. Such desires may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
lead to frictions in relationships when an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
caring too much for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
status
rather
than actually focussing on true relations.

The whole
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and concept of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
is to connect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that distance would not matter anymore.
However
, as our world is a mix of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
intent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to be careful and watchful.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
give us a chance to stay closer and connected to our family and friends, they can lead to a huge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
and society if not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
with proper settings or restrictions on the account.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay that female and male university students should have separate residence halls? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
334 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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