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The society would benefit from a ban on all forms of advertising because it serves no useful purpose, and can even be damaging. Do you agree or disagree? v.3

The society would benefit from a ban on all forms of advertising because it serves no useful purpose, and can even be damaging. v. 3
Nowadays, the question of whether or not it is more beneficial for the society to completely prohibit on all kinds of advertising has been receiving a great deal of public attention. Although this choice appears attractive, the disadvantages will be far more significant. I believe that society would suffer a great deal if all forms of advertising were made illegal. First, since the advertising industry is a global, multibillion-dollar business that serves as a conduit between manufacturers and consumers, it creates a range of job opportunities for many people. In fact, A complete ban on this industry means that millions of people would have to face unemployment, which would have a severe impact on their lives. The second reason is that the advertising industry makes significant contributions to the development of any nations. Therefore, the government would lose a huge amount of tax revenue from advertising agencies if they did not issue these companies with a business licence. I also think that advertising brings a wide range of benefits to society without causing any harm. This can be explained by the fact that advertisements provide people with information about products or services so that they can make better shopping choices. For example, by watching TV commercials about different brands of shampoo products, people can choose the one that works best for them. Moreover, in order to enrich their knowledge, people can take advertising as a huge source of information. For instance, new era kids are likely to know more about technological devices such as smartphones or iPad than those of previous generations because they watch many adverts about digital gadgets In conclusion, for the reasons mentioned above, I would argue that a total ban on advertising would have an adverse effect on the community because it serves many useful purposes and does not harm anybody.
Nowadays,
Wordiness: Consider shortening this phrase.
the question of whether
or not it is more beneficial for the society to completely prohibit on all kinds of advertising has been receiving a great deal of public attention. Although this choice appears attractive, the disadvantages will be far more significant.

I believe that society would suffer a great deal if all forms of advertising
were made
illegal.
First
, since the advertising industry is a global, multibillion-dollar business that serves as a conduit between manufacturers and consumers, it creates a range of job opportunities for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In fact, A complete ban on this industry means that millions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face unemployment, which would have a severe impact on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. The second reason is that the advertising industry
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
significant contributions to the development of any nations.
Therefore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
would lose a huge amount of tax revenue from advertising agencies if they did not issue these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
with a business
Possible spelling mistake. 'licence' is British English.
licence
.

I
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that advertising brings a wide range of benefits to society without causing any harm. This can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
by the fact that advertisements provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with information about products or services
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
better shopping choices.
For example
, by watching TV commercials about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
brands of shampoo products,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can choose the one that works best for them.
Moreover
, in order to enrich their knowledge,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can take advertising as a huge source of information.
For instance
, new era kids are likely to know more about technological devices such as smartphones or iPad than those of previous generations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
adverts about digital
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
gadgets


In conclusion
, for the reasons mentioned above, I would argue that a total ban on advertising would have an adverse effect on the community
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it serves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
useful purposes and does not harm anybody.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay The society would benefit from a ban on all forms of advertising because it serves no useful purpose, and can even be damaging. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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