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The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. School Should cut art and music out of the curricular, so that children can focus on useful subjects such as information technology. To what extent you agree? v.11

The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. School Should cut art and music out of the curricular, so that children can focus on useful subjects such as information technology. v. 11
It is often said that art and music do not have many benefits for children’s preparation in the modern life. Personally, I agree with this to some extent; However, I believe that school should not remove art and music out of the program. On one hand, children should focus on helpful courses for some reasons. First of all, It is obvious that without studying art and music, children can concentrate better to study in school with a few of the courses. For example, besides the time for studying in school, children can learn how doing the research or do the project, which require them spend a great amount of time understanding and broadening the knowledge. As a result, children can get high marks in school and also acknowledge some new aspects. An other good point is that focusing on useful subjects will help children to get a good job in a modern life. With a development of technology today, many kinds of work such as web designer, computer engineer, finance management and the like, which ask students to have a specialized knowledge in these fields. It is clear that studying useful subjects in school is really good for student in future life. On the other hand, I believe that School should not eliminate art and music out of cirricular. Art and music have a positive impact on every member of society especially children. To begin with, It helps students to relax after hard – working time. Art and music are subjects which do not require students to do so many essays or need to have logical thinkings. In fact, this allows children to feel free from creating anything they want in classes. Therefore, children can reduce pressures in school life. In addition, these classes provide a great environment for children to improve their team work skills. For example, in order to have a beautiful music time, each member in all sections in class must understand each other. In short, art and music classes can help people feel relaxed and improve their team work skills. In conclusion, I agree that art and music do not bring many benefits for children’s preparation. But, I think that school should not cancel art and music program in school.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
said that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
preparation in the modern life.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent;
However
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
should not remove
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
out of the program.

On one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should focus on helpful courses for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, It is obvious that without studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can concentrate better to study in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
with a few of the courses.
For example
,
besides
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for studying in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can learn how doing the research or do the project, which require them spend a great amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
understanding and broadening the knowledge.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
high marks in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and
also
acknowledge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
new aspects.
This word is normally spelled as one.
An other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
point is that focusing on useful subjects will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job in a modern life. With a development of technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
kinds of work such as web designer, computer engineer, finance management and the like, which ask
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to have
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "specialized knowledge".
a specialized knowledge
in these fields. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that studying useful subjects in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
in future life.

On the other hand
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
School
should not eliminate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
out of
Possible spelling mistake found.
cirricular
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on every member of society
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to relax after
A dash was used instead of a hyphen. Did you mean: "hard-working".
hard – working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
are subjects which do not require
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
essays or need to have logical
Possible spelling mistake found.
thinkings
. In fact, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to feel free from creating anything they want in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
pressures in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
life.
In addition
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
provide a great environment for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their team work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
For example
, in order to have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, each member in all sections in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
understand each other. In short,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
feel relaxed and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their team work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
do not bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
preparation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
should not cancel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
program in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
50Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. School Should cut art and music out of the curricular, so that children can focus on useful subjects such as information technology. v. 11

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
374 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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