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The rise of convenience foods has helped people keep up with the speed of the modern life style. What are the advantages of this trend? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v.2

The rise of convenience foods has helped people keep up with the speed of the modern life style. What are the advantages of this trend? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2
The popularity of ready-made foods has helped individuals to keep up with the pace of modern lifestyle. In this 21st century, most people do two or three jobs involving a lot of man hours with little break time to eat food. To meet up with this modern life work demand, fast food is preferred to the stress of making home-made foods. This creates more time for other things and gives ample time that could be used for other things like leisure. However, maintaining this trend can be costly and over time could expose one to unhealthy eating habit. In my opinion, I think the disadvantages of fast foods outweighs the convenience it gives to its consumers. First, sustaining convenience food lifestyle could be expensive. Most people spend twice the amount used to prepare a home-made food that would last for a week in a couple of days. This cost could vary based on the content of the package. A Prepacked rice, protein, salad and a bottle of water would cost much more than a Prepacked rice only. Secondly, ready-made foods can be a risk factor to obesity and cardiac diseases. A lot of fast food is made up of carbohydrate, fats and oil. This makes most convenience diets unbalanced, sometimes insatiable and may be consumed in large quantities. For individuals with a sedentary lifestyle, the impact on health will be more and could lead to cardiac arrest and death. Finally, I think the negative consequences of fast foods on human health are far more detrimental to be overlooked. Therefore, I strongly recommend the practice of convenience dieting should be moderated or completely avoided.
The popularity of ready-made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
individuals to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up with the pace of modern lifestyle. In this 21st century, most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do two or three jobs involving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
man hours
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
break
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
up with this modern life work demand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is preferred
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
of making home-made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
. This creates more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for other things and gives ample
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
that could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for other things like leisure.

However
, maintaining this trend can be costly and over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
could expose one to unhealthy eating habit. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
outweighs the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
convenience
it gives to its consumers.

First
, sustaining
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convenience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
lifestyle could be expensive. Most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
spend twice the amount
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to prepare a home-made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
that would last for a week in a couple of days. This cost could vary based on the content of the package. A Prepacked rice, protein, salad and a bottle of water would cost much more than a Prepacked rice
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.

Secondly
, ready-made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
can be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
factor to obesity and cardiac diseases.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is made
up of carbohydrate, fats and oil. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
convenience
diets unbalanced,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
insatiable and may
be consumed
in large quantities. For individuals with a sedentary lifestyle, the impact on health will be more and could lead to cardiac arrest and death.

Finally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
on human health are far more detrimental to
be overlooked
.
Therefore
, I
strongly
recommend the practice of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
convenience
dieting should
be moderated
or completely avoided.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay The rise of convenience foods has helped people keep up with the speed of the modern life style. What are the advantages of this trend? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
273 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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