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The restoration of old buildings in major cities in the world costs numerous governments' expenditures. This money should be used in new housing and road development. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

The restoration of old buildings in major cities in the world costs numerous governments' expenditures. This money should be used in new housing and road development. v. 2
The development of modern buildings and pathways is immensely important, yet it generates arguments about whether the ancient ones should not be reconstructed. Thousands of these buildings are being destroyed to make space for the more functional ones. Personally, I think this action should be ceased. The intention of urbanization is upstanding: it is built to be mostly beneficial for people’s lives. Modern buildings are simpler and cheaper to construct as they would not require such sophistication compare to ancient buildings. Indeed, these buildings are more multifunctional, like a skyscraper can be an accommodation, workplace and a supermarket; which will reduce a lot of space within an overcrowded city. Furthermore, new pathways can withstand a significantly larger amount of transportations, preventing traffic congestions and time consumption. However, old buildings define a nation’s cultural aspects, and must not be neglected by this vision. The ancient construction is a meticulous work of creativity and time, and an inspiration towards the city’s civilians. Moreover, despite the cost of restoration, these buildings can attract tourists, which is advantageous for the economy of a country. When a meaningful historical construction is widely publicized, individuals from all over the world would surge to it. For instance, the Notre Dame of Paris is reconstructed because it reflects such a powerful aspect of culture, and also a foundation for tourism. Needless to say, these buildings are greatly important to both the economic and social facet. In a nutshell, I conceive that the conservation of ancient construction is crucial, and should not be destroyed for urbanization.
The development of modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
and pathways is
immensely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
,
yet
it generates arguments about whether the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ancient
ones should not
be reconstructed
. Thousands of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
are being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
space for the more functional ones.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this action should
be ceased
.

The intention of urbanization is upstanding: it
is built
to be
mostly
beneficial for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
are simpler and cheaper to construct as they would not require such sophistication compare to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ancient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
.
Indeed
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
are more multifunctional, like a skyscraper can be an accommodation, workplace and a supermarket; which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
space within an overcrowded city.
Furthermore
, new pathways can withstand a
significantly
larger amount of transportations, preventing traffic congestions and time consumption.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
define a nation’s cultural aspects, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not
be neglected
by this vision. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ancient
construction is a meticulous work of creativity and time, and an inspiration towards the city’s civilians.
Moreover
, despite the cost of restoration, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
can attract tourists, which is advantageous for the economy of a country. When a meaningful historical construction is
widely
publicized, individuals from all over the world would surge to it.
For instance
, the Notre Dame of Paris
is reconstructed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it reflects such a powerful aspect of culture, and
also
a foundation for tourism. Needless to say, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
are
greatly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to both the economic and social facet.

In a nutshell, I conceive that the conservation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ancient
construction is crucial, and should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
for urbanization.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay The restoration of old buildings in major cities in the world costs numerous governments' expenditures. This money should be used in new housing and road development. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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