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The restoration of old buildings in major cities in the world costs numerous governments' expenditures. This money should be used in new housing and road development. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

The restoration of old buildings in major cities in the world costs numerous governments' expenditures. This money should be used in new housing and road development. v. 1
Some employees deliver their services for only one company for a complete lifetime. While, others believe that, an employee need to work for more than one organization, for a better lifestyle. In my opinion, I believe that, working under one management, helps to gather data and, receive knowledge, to perceive a better task beneficial for the future. However, engaging ourselves in several institutions, helps us to be innovative. This essay will discuss about my views regarding employment in single or, more industries. On the one hand, Many people believe that, working in monopoly provides the best opportunities to obtain experience. For example, Most of the amazing projects are handled by professionals, who are working in the same constitution, since a long time because, it is believed that, such kind of staff will better understand statistics of a set of regulations, that are most commonly followed from the past. Well, it cannot be possible by a member, though experienced, who has joined a grouping recently. Hence, maximum proportion of job holders prefers to contribute their skills to only one assembly. On the other hand, Few representatives make a thought that, residing at only particular structure make them isolated from the outside environment. For example, Some think that, shift of their career and, collaboration, lead them to global exposure, further, followed by socially active partner, with a wide variety of technological and, analytical skills, which one day they can apply to their own design and, further develop into a discovery. Finally, In conclusion, I conclude that, While, working societies continue to follow their myth. It can be said that, labourer, who wish to pursue in only one methodology, gain immense grip on respective field, which further, lead to vast moment and, events. While, the bread winner who plans to relocate for new chances, develop ideas, which are beneficial for both community and, world. If, it is not possible, Innovation becomes extinct.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
employees deliver their services for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
for a complete lifetime. While, others believe that, an employee need to work for more than one organization, for a better lifestyle. In my opinion, I believe that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
under one management,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to gather data and, receive knowledge, to perceive a better task beneficial for the future.
However
, engaging ourselves in several institutions,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us to be innovative. This essay will
Did you mean simply "discuss my"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about my
views regarding employment in single or, more industries.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in monopoly provides the best opportunities to obtain experience.
For example
, Most of the amazing projects
are handled
by professionals,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in the same constitution, since a long time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, it
is believed
that, such kind of staff will better understand statistics of a set of regulations, that are most
commonly
followed from the past. Well, it cannot be possible by a member, though experienced,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
a grouping recently.
Hence
, maximum proportion of job holders prefers to contribute their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
one assembly.

On the other hand
, Few representatives
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that, residing at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
particular structure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them isolated from the outside environment.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that, shift of their career and, collaboration, lead them to global exposure,
further
, followed by
socially
active partner, with a wide variety of technological and, analytical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, which one day they can apply to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
design and,
further
develop into a discovery.

Finally
,
In conclusion
, I conclude that, While,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
societies continue to follow their myth. It can
be said
that,
Possible spelling mistake found.
labourer
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
wish to pursue in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
one methodology, gain immense grip on respective field, which
further
, lead to vast moment and,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
. While, the bread winner
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
plans to relocate for new chances, develop
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
, which are beneficial for both community and, world. If, it is not possible, Innovation becomes extinct.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay The restoration of old buildings in major cities in the world costs numerous governments' expenditures. This money should be used in new housing and road development. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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