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The Restoration of old buildings in major cities around the world costs governments billions of dollars while this money should have been used for new housing and road development. To what extent do you agree or disagree to this statement? v.1

The Restoration of old buildings in major cities around the world costs governments billions of dollars while this money should have been used for new housing and road development. to this statement? v. 1
Some people think that money that is spent on the preservation of old buildings in big cities all over the world should be used in developing new houses and roads. I completely disagree with this opinion and I believe that old constructions play a vital role in our society. First of all, the restoring of old buildings preserves the national heritage and the history of the country. Every nation in the world has their own history that reflects in different things such as art, music and buildings. Therefore, if they will be devastated, the part of the culture will be devastated too. For example, the British Government spends millions of pounds in order to preserve their monuments and historical buildings in the country. Ultimately, the Britain will be in the winning position because they have saved the piece of themselves that represents in these buildings. Secondly, the financial help to these houses can attract many tourists from different countries. Travelling is one of the most popular hobbies nowadays, and so, the big number of people want to see the famous places in other countries with their eyes. As a result, it has a positive impact on the country's economy because they buy souvenirs, attend interesting places and pay the rent. For instance, tourists from the West and Asia flock to European countries in order to see the small houses in cities like Paris, Milan, Barcelona and other European towns. Eventually, these countries will have greater economies compared to others. In conclusion, the preservation of ancient buildings plays an important role in our life, and it cannot be replaced by developing roads and new houses. Moreover, it boosts the tourism economy and tells us about our culture.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that money that
is spent
on the preservation of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities all over the world should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in developing new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
and roads. I completely disagree with this opinion and I believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
constructions play a vital role in our society.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the restoring of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
preserves the national heritage and the history of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Every nation in the world has their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
history that reflects in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
things such as art, music and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
.
Therefore
, if they will
be devastated
, the part of the culture will
be devastated
too.
For example
, the British
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
spends millions of pounds in order to preserve their monuments and historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Ultimately
, the Britain will be in the winning position
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have saved the piece of themselves that represents in these buildings.

Secondly
, the financial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
can attract
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
tourists from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. Travelling is one of the most popular hobbies nowadays, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
places in other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
with their eyes.
As a result
, it has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on the country's economy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
souvenirs, attend interesting places and pay the rent.
For instance
, tourists from the West and Asia flock to European
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
in cities like Paris, Milan, Barcelona and other European towns.
Eventually
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
will have greater economies compared to others.

In conclusion
, the preservation of ancient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in our life, and it cannot
be replaced
by developing roads and new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
.
Moreover
, it boosts the tourism economy and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tells
us about our culture.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay The Restoration of old buildings in major cities around the world costs governments billions of dollars while this money should have been used for new housing and road development. to this statement? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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