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The restoration of old buildings in major cities around the world costs enormous amounts of money. This money would be better spent on providing new housing and road development. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

The restoration of old buildings in major cities around the world costs enormous amounts of money. This money would be better spent on providing new housing and road development. v. 1
It is true that a huge amount of money has been spent on building preservation in many cities. To some extent I agree that governments prioritise the development of new housing and infrastructure, but I would also argue that we do need to restore and preserve old buildings that have a cultural identity. On the one hand, I accept the idea that governments should put a priority on the new development of housing and infrastructure because it certainly improves people’s lives. First of all, governments have to ensure the provision of adequate housing. There needs to be affordable and comfortable housing for all different family structure, considering the current situation where we are moving towards the culture of nuclear families and changing lifestyle. As well as housing provision, it would be one of the biggest jobs for governments to establish a proper public transport system so that people could travel to work or college without stress. Also, spending more money on developing new public facilities, such as schools, hospitals, police stations, and parks could result in providing more enjoyable and easy life. However, I would argue that it is essential for a country to spend money on restoring or preserving old buildings because they deeply related to cultural identity which should be maintained. One good example would be Japan’s ancient city, Kyoto. They have preserved its historical buildings for centuries. Its governments have been spending a great deal of time, money and effort on setting up building regulations or implementing campaigns aimed at raising awareness of the importance of historical building preservation. As a result, the city landscape is very well preserved, and it attracts around 3. 6 million foreign visitors every year, because of its unique historical identity. Without such an effort, their cultural identity would have disappeared along with its unique cultural landscape. In conclusion, while I understand that new developments bring an overall improvement in people’s quality of life, I believe that it is important to restore old buildings in terms of preservation of cultural identity.
It is true that a huge amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
has
been spent
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
preservation in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cities. To
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
Possible spelling mistake. 'prioritise' is British English.
prioritise
the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
housing and infrastructure,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I would
also
argue that we do need to restore and preserve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
that have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
identity.

On the one hand, I accept the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should put a priority on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
development of housing and infrastructure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
ensure the provision of adequate housing.

There needs to be affordable and comfortable housing for all
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
family structure, considering the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
situation where we are moving towards the culture of nuclear families and changing lifestyle.

As well
as housing provision, it would be one of the biggest jobs for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
to establish a proper public transport system
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
could travel to work or college without
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.

Also
, spending more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
public facilities, such as schools, hospitals, police stations, and parks could result in providing more enjoyable and easy life.

However
, I would argue that it is essential for a country to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on restoring or preserving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
deeply
related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
identity which should
be maintained
.

One
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example would be Japan’s ancient city, Kyoto.

They have preserved its historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
for centuries.

Its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
have been spending a great deal of time,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and effort on setting up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
regulations or implementing campaigns aimed at raising awareness of the importance of historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
preservation.

As a result
, the city landscape is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well preserved
, and it attracts around 3. 6 million foreign visitors every year,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its unique historical identity.

Without such an effort, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
identity would have disappeared along with its unique
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
landscape.

In conclusion
, while I understand that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
developments bring an
overall
improvement in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s quality of life, I believe that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to restore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
in terms of preservation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
identity.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay The restoration of old buildings in major cities around the world costs enormous amounts of money. This money would be better spent on providing new housing and road development. v. 1

Essay
  American English
13 paragraphs
339 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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