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The restoration of old buildings in major cities around the world costs enormous amounts of money. This money would be better spent on providing new housing and road development. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.5

The restoration of old buildings in major cities around the world costs enormous amounts of money. This money would be better spent on providing new housing and road development. v. 5
Preserving the primitive buildings in the prominent urban areas predisposed a plethora of money all over the globe. Some people argue that rather than spending money for this, it is better to spend money for infrastructure developments that are inevitable for a society. This essay will discuss, why we should spend more money for development. First of all, housing is a necessity for a common man after food and fresh air. In other words, we cannot survive in this world without adequate shelter because, on a day to day basis, it is not easy to stay outside all the time to suffer hot, cold and other calamities and deteriorated environmental factors. Consequently, government should spend money for the housing needs of destitute in order to keep them healthy and fresh. Moreover, without proper shelter for their citizens, it shows government's inability to cope with the demanding needs of their people. For example, in some African countries, a lot of people do not have proper shelter that leads to shorter life spans. Secondly, health should be the top most priority of a government's development plan. In detail, without good health, a nation could not do good things in a long term. So healthy society is always vital for any country to build their economy in the current scenario because, if anything, worse happen to their citizens such as epidemic diseases, in some situations, it is uncontrollable and may deteriorate the overall health of a country. So prevention is better than cure, because, government should spend a plethora of money for vaccinations that could prevent most of the diseases now a days. For instance, in India, recently a lot of diseases such as polio were totally eradicated from the country. In conclusion, adequate housing and proper health care is a must for a healthy society. So I totally agree that authorities should spend the majority of the funds for the needs of housing and health that are inevitable.
Preserving the primitive buildings in the prominent urban areas predisposed a plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
all over the globe.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that
rather
than spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for this, it is better to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for infrastructure developments that are inevitable for a society. This essay will discuss, why we should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for development.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, housing is a necessity for a common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
after food and fresh air.
In other words
, we cannot survive in this world without adequate shelter
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, on a
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
basis, it is not easy to stay outside all the time to suffer hot,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
and other calamities and deteriorated environmental factors.
Consequently
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for the housing needs of destitute in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them healthy and fresh.
Moreover
, without proper shelter for their citizens, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's inability to cope with the demanding needs of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
For example
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
African countries,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not have proper shelter that leads to shorter life spans.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
should be the top most priority of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's development plan. In detail, without
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, a nation could not do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
things in a long term.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
healthy society is always vital for any country to build their economy in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
scenario
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, if anything, worse happen to their citizens such as epidemic diseases, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
situations, it is uncontrollable and may deteriorate the
overall
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of a country.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
prevention is better than cure,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
a plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for vaccinations that could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
most of the diseases
Did you mean "nowadays"?
now a days
.
For instance
, in India, recently
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
diseases such as polio were
totally
eradicated from the country.

In conclusion
, adequate housing and proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
for a healthy society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that authorities should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
the majority of the funds for the needs of housing and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
that are inevitable.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay The restoration of old buildings in major cities around the world costs enormous amounts of money. This money would be better spent on providing new housing and road development. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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